Coach Poppy

4G Blessings

2012-01-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, 2012

‘Twas two days into the new year
And along Florida’s Gulf Coast,
Many iPads and 4G’s were bought;
There were Facebook statuses to post.

Our still-perfect tree de-trimmed,
No needles in sight,
While visionaries in the New Year,
Were optimistic left and right.

Geoff, my husband, sound asleep
And I savoring this season,
Had a thought suddenly appear,
For no apparent reason.

When out on the drive
There arose such a noise;
It wasn’t Santa again,
But those college- aged boys!

Joking and laughing
They made their way in,
Subwoofers still reverberating,
The neighbors bristling at the din.

And me in my cashmere,
Bracing an atypical Florida chill,
Had just settled my coachpoppy spreadsheet,
And finished the last electronic bill.

Teens, George and Molly,
Welcomed Jonathon, their brother,
I realized this holiday time,
Would be like no other.

Chicago daughter and family
Shared in the celebration,
Making it four generations of love,
To their Christmas vacation.

I sat back from my desk,
And had a mixed feeling,
The loss of my Dad:
Still apt to take much healing.

Yet coupled with the love,
Of which our family is blessed,
Our patriarch is emblazoned
On all of our hearts’ crests.

When out from my reverie,
There arose such a sound,
I leapt up from my laptop,
Stepping over lights neatly wound.

And there in the driveway
Stood a figure dressed in red;
Yet it wasn’t anyone complaining,
It was indeed, Santa, instead.

He said he’d come back,
With a post Christmas gift;
It was sure to boost spirits
And give everyone a lift.

I was eager and intrigued,
Curious to know of this offer,
And silently wondered if his present,
required a dip in the coffer.

I searched high and low for
A present from his sack;
And even twirled around Santa,
To see what was behind his back.

Nothing was evident,
I realized with a start,
My curiosity was explosive;
There was pounding in my heart.

With a jolly wry smile,
He pointed to his chest;
He said: “The gift is right here;”
“When you discover it, it’s the best.”

“Your heart can’t be quantified,
By spreadsheets, quotas, and measures;
The gifts of family and loved ones –
You have the 4G app of treasures.”

“While your Dad is heaven
He’s always with you in spirit,
His presence is here;
You needn’t ever fear it.”

“Tally up your blessings
Like you might on Excel,
Cherish family and friends,
Make all your relationships gel.”

“On positivity! Oh Mindfulness!
Optimism! Think Easy Street!”
“When you embrace all of these,
Your life will be full - complete.”

“What you imagine - will happen,”
He said with a wink;
The law of attraction abounds,
With how you feel and think.”

“You’ve now married your soulmate,
Some say that’s sort of ‘cheesy,’
With positivity of mind and spirit,
Life with your Geoff is wonderfully easy.”

“You’ve never been happier
I know that most will agree,
Now share love around you;
This is my New Year decree.”

“Spread your good will;
A heartfelt smile ear to ear;
And know that you have the app for,
Blessings throughout the new year.”

Santa waved to his reindeer,
Saying forgive those who feel maligned;
And smiled at me graciously:
“Continue to keep your heart well-aligned.”

Singing of Angels

2011-12-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

December 19, 2011

This past Sunday, my husband Geoff and I were excited and inspired to be a part of a beautiful concert, conducted by our musical director, Liz Goldstein. I was, and continue to be, awed by the musical wizardry of Liz, who—with excruciating detail, precision, and grace—seamlessly and perhaps singlehandedly arranged our 40-member choir, the symphony orchestra, the ballet, youth singers, and live nativity into a phenomenal production. Liz is one of those people who is an angel of inspiration.

I have never been in a choir, and have not performed on a stage since I played Für Elise in my one and only piano recital when I was 11 years old. As I look back on the months and weeks of rehearsals for our Christmas concert, I can still feel what each and every inspiration felt like from every practice! As the only choir member who has never sung with a choir before, I was motivated to glean all I could in each rehearsal session.

What was most inspirational about all that I learned and experienced from Liz’s great tutelage was not so much the precise technical elements that are understandably critical, but the multi-sensory essence of the dynamics that she wanted us to embrace. She speaks in technicolor, multidimensional feeling, visualization, bodily sensations: “where we feel the breath, where we ‘see’ and feel the sound; and where we kinesthetically feel the lyrical flow of the music."

All of the microscopic details and organization that go into a lovely concert are usually well under the radar; the audience doesn’t know, for instance, that the ballet company did not ever have a practice with us, but the entire program came together seamlessly. It takes a leader with visionary faith (and of course, incredible organization) to pull all of the disparate groupings together into one magnificent harmonious experience. Our musical director, Liz, does just that. And beautifully.

It got me thinking about how each of us has that same ability to do that which we are good at, and in doing so, inspire many people along the way. We all have many gifts. Which gifts can you identify that you can showcase and, in turn, be like an angel of inspiration for others?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

‘Gotta Love # 12

2011-11-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2011

What can I say? I have been a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan, beginning at 8 years old when I went to my first Green Bay Packers game (Vince Lombardi era) with my Dad, and willingly and happily subjected myself to years of all sorts of frozen body parts. It didn’t occur to me until I was an adult that my love of football—and especially the Pack—had everything to do with my father, more than football itself.

He shaped my experience with football both in and out of the stands. I liked the players my father liked; I knew who Ray Nitschke and Zeke Bratkowski (hands pictured above) were, and I learned to immediately identify the penalty as soon as a yellow flag came flying out of a black-and-white-uniformed hand. I loved learning about the players by listening to the stories that were told to me about the men who played football.

One of the many Packers stories I heard actually took place away from the frozen tundra. My father had many Packers season tickets as well as many entrees to special events. One such event was a black tie dinner about 40 years ago in Milwaukee, where he and my mother attended a Vince Lombardi Cancer benefit. George C. Scott was the guest of honor as were many Packer legends, including Jim Taylor (whose Superbowl-ringed hand is also pictured above). My mother was both fortunate (and unfortunate) enough to sit next to Jim Taylor.

After a very engaging 45 minutes of conversation with her dinner partner, my mother, whose anything below 60 degrees Fahrenheit intolerance allowed me to take her place at every Packer game, smiled at her dinner companion and asked: “What do you do?” He shrank back and said: “I’m Jim Taylor.” Understanding that she had possibly offended him, she offered minimal consolation: “Cheer up. I didn’t recognize George C. Scott, either.” Apparently, as the story goes, he never spoke to her again.

And it brings me to the subject of ego and its counterpart: leadership. Between 2005–2008, Brett Favre had a three-year waffling season, unable to decide if he wished play or not. There was an enormous buzz around Favre, as his “in-out-in-out” decision-making stimulated discussion among football fans around the country. Yet, for me, there was only one element of this three-year “it’s-all-about-me” period that was most fascinating: It wasn’t the plethora of Favre press conferences, nor the many interviews # 4 gave, but rather, the lack of attention to the #12 jersey who sat so quietly on a Lambeau bench. For three years.

I am one of those who believe that a person’s great character contains more parts leader and very few parts, ego. John Shepherd, Pleasant valley High School principal and coach, speaks of his then teenage student Aaron Rodgers:

He's just a person of character. When he played for me, he was an intense leader. He wasn't a person who tried to embellish his stature or attributes. He is who he is.

Watching Rodgers on TV, playing on a chilly Green Bay field this past Sunday, I marveled at how he smiled and chatted with his opponents during an official review of a penalty play against the Packers. I was intrigued with the lack of aggression and posturing I normally witness in most football games. Rodgers’ body language and facial expressions were open, calm, and relaxed. Even when a penalty is against his team, one can see, in the very next play, Rodgers continue to drive the ball down the field where the Pack will undoubtedly score.

Aren’t all leaders like that? Superbowl-like people of character who put themselves smack in the middle of what’s good for all; what’s good for the team, the family, the organization, the group? With the genuine mission of best-for-all, there is no place for ego.

This Thanksgiving, while my beloved team plays in Detroit, I will be mindfully grateful that I, too, not only witnessed that great strength of character and leadership on the frozen tundra bench and field, I also lived and breathed it every day with the man who role modeled it the best: my favorite Packers viewing partner, my Dad.

And while I envision him next to me at each football-viewing, his presence and essence are with me each day, and I am thankful for him- my own “Superbowl Champion.” Last month, one of my Packer-backer daughters took some of his ashes to place in Green Bay at the field. It is one of many poignant and heartfelt reminders that I will always do a Lambeau Leap for my Dad.

Who might be the person you choose, who is Superbowl worthy?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Trick or Treat: Our Brain on Nostalgia

2011-11-01T12:12:00.001-07:00

Halloween Week: 1977 and 2011

Why do we get a warm fuzzy feeling when we recall nostalgia and old memories? My first love and college sweetheart, depicted above with me, reminisce almost every day. Not only does memory recall give us an emotional lift, it also is an elixir to reinforce positive well being and boost self-regard…right now: amidst a downturn in the economy, Wall Street fallout, war, and a general malaise within our Western Culture and world.

What is compelling, is that neuroscience has evidenced-based support to illustrate our brains on nostalgia. The findings: Nostalgia is a treat - no-tricks.

Photographs are one of many forms of memory-inducing stimuli and since our first language was visual - and many of us are proficient in visual literacy - we gravitate to photos. And although memories are not hard-wired in our brains, for we alter them as we experience life, we often attach positivity to them and re-code them. These memory updates might explain why when we look at a photograph from “the old days,” we usually experience a positive emotion, and we reinforce the positive association in that memory. And we feel really good in that present moment.

The part of the brain that does the lion’s share of nostalgic work is the amygdala, what e-colleague neuroscientist, Patrick calls: the “emotional seat of the brain.” You may wonder: “So what is the upside to experiencing nostalgia?”

In his studies, Patrick found that researcher, Wildschut, discovered evidence that people who claimed feeling nostalgia, had “increased social bonding and increased positive self-regard.” Furthermore, Patrick says: “a brain that supports consciousness, [brings about emotions and the self-awareness] that we’ve all experienced: depression, self doubt, lack of motivation.”

If we can look at photos or even recall a memory in our heads – even a negative one – our well-developed human brain has the capacity and the very willing ability to override a negative memory and insert a positive one. This is huge. Can you imagine the DYI shift we can make by just recalling a happy memory? Can you imagine our own eradication of negative emotion? Can you almost sense the surge that we might feel toward our own self-motivational behavior?

Our 5 (almost all adult) children look forward to having a Halloween costume. They love the playfulness and fun socialization that the holiday sets up. (Our two college enrolled men report that 97% of the co-eds dressed this past weekend in skanky attire…but that is a different newsletter for a different time.) All of them have favorite memories of Halloween’s gone by, as we do; I imagine we all have these memories.

I am suggesting that we do not have to wait for Halloween to make ourselves feel good. We can feel good right now. Get out that high school yearbook, scrapbook, and childhood family photo album and go nostalgic on all those around you. Perhaps just close your eyes and think of a memory. When we use our recall to re-experience and then re-encode memories, we neuroscientifically make ourselves feel legitimately, wickedly good.

One neuroscientist concludes: “Nostalgia is exceptionally good at making us feel better when times are tough. It’s a little mental pick-me-up that reminds us of good times, good friends and a why it’s great to be alive.”

 Mindfully Yours,  

Poppy

$10 for A Count Ability?

2011-10-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

At a recent dinner party, my brother, sister-in-law, mother, and my husband and I found ourselves musing on one of the two taboo topics that came up: this one was politics. Political party preferences aside, we thought that many people are just plain unhappy. Whether it is the economy (“stupid”), the war, poverty, abortion, gay marriage, religion, or Occupy Wall Street protestors, many Americans take issue with something that, in their minds, is wrong. Often they will belabor the point, as was the case this past weekend where the arced curve of Sarasota Bay was dotted by several dozen protestors of one flavor or another.

Curious if I could snatch their intent from our drive-by, I gave a cursory glance at their posters and signs, and instead scrutinized their faces for cues as to their purpose and core message. I took psychologist and facial expression expert Paul Eckman’s approach to try to discern their micro expressions, those telltale facial giveaways that showcase universal human emotions.

My next thought was:

Wouldn't it be great if these folks could channel all of their ‘pushing against’ energy into something more purposeful, like volunteering at a soup kitchen, taking a plate of chocolate chip cookies to someone who sits for an hour in a recliner receiving a chemo drip, mentoring at the Boys and Girls Club, or making homemade Hallmark-like cards to give to those at an Adult Day Center?

The signs ranged from end the war to peace on earth to take over Wall Street, and my crude and very quick calculation for the cost of the materials and quantified time spent on a minimum wage scale, revealed roughly $243.67.

So, what are people really saying? I believe, at the core, two things: 1) They feel disempowered. 2) Being engaged in social relationships with a common purpose feels good.

What to do? Sure, we can make signs and meet up with likeminded people and stand outside on a glorious 76‑degree day in southwest Florida and bob our signs up and down; this certainly meets the social criteria of the second need – a Maslowian sense of belonging and relationship cultivation. But I bet we could do more to feel better to assuage the human ego that has taken one too many hits.

When we take positive action, we feel good. When we act, and another directly benefits from either an altruistic benevolence or because we believe in our heart of hearts that it's the right thing to do for the collective all of us, then we start to feel really good! Sign-waving at a crowded intersection is not well-being user-friendly. In fact, it is counter-productive; it usually startles people, confuses them, or angers them.

The protestors want to feel good; the drive-bys want to feel good; heck, we all want to feel good. As our vehicle crawled (many gapers), the sign carriers spoke animatedly with one another. They smiled, laughed, and nodded in apparent affirmation to each other. They were like the Whos in Whoville: although the Grinch had taken their very last crumb, they still sang and swayed together, rocking arm in arm. Yet, their printed messages belied their human facial expressions and body language.

My husband, Geoff, and I determined that if people did not collectively cry out against all of what was wrong, did not bemoan and protest in blame, anger, and bitterness. Yet instead, repurposed their thoughts and emotions, and counted on their own abilities and strengths to bring about well-being, people would feel “Tony-the-Tiger-great.”

What if we focused on not taking Wall Street but taking into account our own ability to seek solutions, thrive, flourish, and ultimately feel empowered? And “What can I do – what ability can I count on - right now, right here to make life better for me and another?”

Positive psychology Pied Piper and colleague Marty Seligman, in his recent book Flourish, suggests that we do one unexpected thing that would be an off-the-charts day topper. Marty wrote in his book that, for $10, he inspired and increased the well-being of dozens of people in less than 15 minutes. How? He stood in a long line at the post office, the day after a 1¢ postage stamp increase, and bought 1000 one-cent stamps. He then handed them out for free to all who still stood in the snake-like line, until all of the people and the stamps were gone.

Can you imagine the elevated mood and soaring energy (Postal!) that cost only ten dollars?

The galvanized action we take for ourselves and for others, where there is a personal accountability and a direct benefit to another, counts a lot. Let’s gather together by putting aside the banner markers, and take up mentoring, card making, and baking. Let’s consider taking into account our ability to leverage $243.67 worth of feel-good well-being for former sign wavers and drive-bys.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

This is Your Brain on Forgiveness

2011-09-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

September 23, 2011

Last week, the Coach Poppy Newsletter focused on reframing tragic events, and repurposing our stories that continually shape who we are. One of the most important aspects of any reframing is to have both the awareness and the willingness to let go of negative emotion: grief, anger, blame, resentment, shame, guilt, contempt, despair, fear.

In my Ringling College of Art and Design Psychology classes this term, we explore what is going on in our actions, our hearts and our minds. There is countless neuro-scientific data that examines how thoughts and emotions drive our human behavior. Dr. Ellen Weber offers us this: “The brain’s basal ganglia stores every reaction to severe disappointments.” I believe it’s time to clear out and restock our own ganglia shelves.

When we don’t mindfully Choose (and I mean Choose with a capital “C”) to override our sad experiences, let up on blame and resentments we may hold, and hang onto negative events, our brains become stymied and our neuro pathways remain lined with hostility. Our serotonin drops off a cliff when we blame another or hold onto a grudge. Worse, because of the wonderful plasticity of our brain to continually rewire and re-pattern itself, we can actually become really adept at embedding deep-seeded hostility, anger, and sadness into our minds.

This is where forgiveness comes in. Weber explains that our brain has an incredible “ability to embrace genuine reconciliation.” Ahhhh. Can’t you just feel the relief in that statement?

There really is no catch to this rewiring; we can have happy, happy, emotions, reveling in hope, gratitude and joy. This seems simple enough: a quick DIY rewiring. So why don’t we do it?

I have a daily mantra when I sense that my neural pathways are jammed. I ask myself a simple question: “Do I want to feel good, or do I want to be right?” Smiling, I sometimes catch myself wanting to be right, and I even go so far as to say that: “I feel good because I am right.” But it really doesn’t work that way.

The neural pathways cannot be fooled. Being right is not about forgiveness; rather, being right holds our neural pathways hostage from healthy rebuilding and growth. Weber says, “Forgiveness literally changes the brain’s wiring…builds new neuron pathways into physical, emotional and spiritual well being.”

“Forgiving brains fuel unconditional love,” Weber claims. Rather than replay experiences where we feel the bitter sting of being wronged or hurt, focus instead on how we authentically appreciate and value others. When we make forgiveness the order of the day, and offer graciousness to others, Weber says we “rewire the brain from victim modes, into habits that default to healthy relationships. Forgiveness is measured in health and well being.” Furthermore, research indicates that when we forgive, we lower our risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and stress.

An old maxim is “Giving starts at home.” I believe forgiving starts at home too. Beginning with us, for many of us are our harshest critics, leave behind any flaws and errors from the past and lay new neural tracks.

Be a “neuro-retrofitter.” We do not need a license or an engineering degree to do this kind of re-wiring; simply a willingness to let go of those crossed wires that block and no longer serve us.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

How We Remember: Narrative Gifts

2011-09-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Geoff Spencer 9.11.11

September 14, 2011

After a media fast for 7 days – no TV, no newspaper, no online news blasts - we are still beating the positive drum of inspiration, optimism, and goodwill toward men (and women). When we look for the good, we find goodness. My husband, Geoff, lost his brother and only sibling in the 2nd World Trade Center tower 10 years ago. Since then, he has been telling this narrative: “This was not how the story of my brother’s life would end. I made it my mission to make sure that his legacy was one of love, not tragedy and hate.”

Ten years later, the story keeps on keeping on. In five days last week, I witnessed a powerful phenomenon. Geoff spoke in three different cities: two different college classrooms, two different local high school classrooms, a Cleveland high school auditorium, and three different worship services. Over two thousand ears heard the story of how George “Twig” Spencer III was a man who had a passion for life - a joie de vivre, a love for sailing. Geoff’s story highlights the life lived, not the loss, the shared memories, and a faith that he carries with him each day.

I noticed the shift in the energy of the room. While some listeners were 8 to 10 years old when the World Trade Centers came down, it didn’t matter the age. The amazing beauty of stories is that they are both ageless and timeless.

The story is rife with empowerment and good feeling. While counterintuitive to what one might expect - and be expected - to respond, the feel-good focus gives us pause. Many people wonder: “Why is he making us feel OK? How can he have such a positive perspective on this? Shouldn’t I be somber and subdued and hold onto a respectful amount of mourning, sadness, and grief?” Perhaps. Yet, Geoff would be the first to tell you that neither he nor his brother would want that.

Instead, he suggests we embrace a life lived, and pull up the memories and images of a sailing adventure on the lifelong family sailboat, Misty. He would ask that we imagine a mile-long port tack sail three days ago (an annual “Twig honoring” ritual to sail on 9/11), where we eagerly put our faces to the wind to receive a refreshing spray of Gulf of Mexico water to honor the many times Twig did just that.

He would ask that we envision a 53-year-old Misty abandoned, seemingly beyond repair, in 2002 in the backyard of a Connecticut home, where she was painstakingly restored to her old self by Twig’s brother; to be unthinkably sailed again to win regattas and be a symbolic beacon of eternal triumph.

Geoff would ask that we mindfully close our eyes and picture what it was like when he put in the last screw on the newly refinished rotted floorboard, and realize: “Oh my gosh; I did it!” And he would ask that we imagine his hand on the tiller as he first set sail onMisty and looked up to the heavens with a wet tear-streaked face and said: “We did it, Twig; Misty is sailing again.”

A Northwestern University Psychology Professor and Researcher, Dr. Dan McAdams and Dr. John Holmes, a Waterloo Psychology professor, have spent a decade researching how the sharing of stories and narratives after a terrible event are what McAdams called: “redemption sequences," those stories that take a tragic event and have a positive outcome. “Regardless of the story’s overall tone, participants who told redemption sequences also tended to be happier, the researchers found.”

"Stories shape memory so dramatically," says Holmes. "Once you tell a story, it’s hard to get out of that story’s framework, and they tend to get more dramatic over time." This is how we choose to remember.

In her recent research on how people reframe their stories after a tragic event, Dr. Laura King, a Psychology professor at the University of Missouri offers us this: "It shows this amazing capacity people have to create meaning out of these events."

“Taken together, psychologists’ narrative research makes one resounding point: We don’t just tell stories, stories tell us. They shape our thoughts and memories, and even change how we live our lives. Storytelling isn’t just how we construct our identities, stories are our identities," Holmes says.

"Every story is a gift, a little part of yourself that you share with the audience," King says. "Who doesn’t like gifts?"

How might you choose to remember, reframe, and recreate a happy ending for thousands of ears?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Muggle Muddled by Moodle

2011-08-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

August 30, 2011

Any process that has the word “system” in it ought to offer one the sense of order, simplicity, efficiency, and organization. That’s what I thought when I set forth to learn our offered Course Management System, “Moodle,” at Ringling College of Art and Design. Typically, course management systems (and there are many) are platforms where one’s classroom is virtually housed with all of the online trimmings a professor needs to provide his/her students with a fabulous learning environment. Moodle states that it is “a Free web application that educators can use to create effective online learning sites.” While “Free” might be Moodle’s operative word - and Moodle capitalizes the word “Free” on its site, perhaps as a consumer psychological tool to attract buy-ins from higher learning institutions - I discovered that I need a lot more wizardly prowess than Hermione Granger’s wand might summon.

Right out of the gate, one has to have a doctoral-level tutorial on the myriad of acronyms that Moodle uses to define itself:

Moodle is an Open Source Course Management System (CMS), also known as a Learning Management System (LMS) or a Virtual Learning Environment (VLE). It has become very popular among educators around the world as a tool for creating online dynamic web sites for their students.

CMS, LMS, VLE – so which is it? As a professor of Psychology, I am tempted to use Moodle as a case study when our class explores our unit on identity. What would Erik Erikson say?

Two weeks ago, before classes began, with all of the gumption I could muster and with the reverence I have for our Albus Dumbledore-like department chair who was offering me and my colleagues a “Muggle” workshop of Moodle, I set forth with an oxymoronic sense of determined trepidation. I asked my 17-year-old daughter to accompany me for “tech support” - for teenagers are wizards at this stuff – but really, I was secretly hoping her tech magic would rub off on me.

I had one moment of mindful magic when my department chair showed us how we could write HTML code and reduce the size of an uploaded image in HTML. First off, HTML stands for “here’s the magic lady.” (Just playing, here.) But because the words: “hypertext markup language” do not come up in MY everyday conversations, and HTML is not front of mind, it really does seem like a magical code that one has to be Hogwarts enrolled in order to grasp.

In all fairness to Moodle and other (I’ll just pick one to use here) VLEs, the concept is sound: we are creating a paperless community (saving trees), and offering one platform in which to have an enormous amount of information just a click away – or in my case, a “flick” away.

Virtual learning environments are sound and socially responsible. When I actually wrote a teensy bit of HTML code, I was unabashedly so proud of myself, only to be crestfallen in the next moment when I couldn’t figure out how to set my class assignment calendar to the accurate dates. (It took me over 20 minutes and I had to have help.)

While Mario-Cart-gold-token grabbing teens smirk at my inability to navigate what is so inherently basic to them, I am experiencing my own techno-identity crisis: “What kind of teacher ARE you, who cannot pull up the electronic assignment with the flick of her wand? Why must you take a bajillion hours to left click here, no, right click there, to remember these rudimentary things?”

I think I know the answer. I am simply not wired that way. If you ask me to remember a detail about someone I have met a few weeks ago, I will give you five. If you ask me to remember just ONE thing I learned in the Course Management System workshop … crickets. I don’t remember HOW I wrote the HTML code, only that I know magic was somehow involved.

The most magical thing that happened, however, was not writing code, nor setting up a good enough online classroom that works for me; it is/was the RELIEF that came from allowing myself the permission - and more importantly, the acceptance - to be just a plain old person who is good enough at some things, and not-so-good at others. I will take the face-to-face learning opportunity over the virtual one, any time.

And the best part? We have our own course management systems that have nothing to do with technology. Our assignment: go “in line” for the magic; it is not available online.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Is There Such a Thing as the “New Normal?”

2011-07-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

George Terris © Father’s Day, 1981,
With a photo of my daughter - his first grandchild

July 11, 2011

My family lost a great man last week: my Dad. While somewhat prepared for the end-of-life drill for which many friends and loved ones had prepared us, the challenging ache of not having his physical presence, his sharp-as-a-tack mind until he took his last breath with us, is still both fresh and hollow. I am a great believer and practitioner of positive psychology: I choose to be consciously aware of signs that offer opportunities to glimpse and savor positive aspects of any experience. Even if the experience is non-physical – I latch onto it with gusto - only for one reason: it makes me feel good.

Creating a “new normal,” in which the feelings of loss and alien terrain collide with positivity, order, and routine, provide me with a Herculean opportunity to ramp up my daily “feel good” process.

The “nothing-is-the-same” often evokes fear in us, and yet, we say we embrace change; we claim that we welcome opportunities for personal growth and development. Grief-laden, heavy-hearted experiences are supposed to make us stronger, more resilient, right? Envisioning how this plays out today is nearly impossible; the road ahead looks mercurial and dust-clouded. So, how do we plow ahead, not knowing what - cliché as it sounds - tomorrow brings?

I suppose we start with now. For the past decade, in working with the elderly population, coaching and facilitating caregiver groups, and teaching various psychology courses at Ringling College, I tell myself that I am supposed to be good at this stuff. I understand and try to practice empathy daily; I know Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and I would add – humor, and even “repeat.” When my children were younger, and I happened upon a conflict of who did what to whom, I used to tell them: “If you are in it, you get it (and you are culpable too)." I now find myself trying to extricate myself from being “in it,” so I can process the emotional waves that blindside me.

CBT, or Cognitive Behavior Therapy, offers us the opportunity to seek solutions in a systematic, goal-oriented way from undesirable emotions, cognition, and behaviors. While there might not be any systematic way to go about rebuilding a heart where, currently, there is a void, having the beautiful support in the name of family and friends has given my spirit a resounding lift. If we find ourselves in the midst of an emotional overhaul, I have discovered that getting into the head from a heavy heart, with positive list making, provides me with a mindfulness and a calm, centeredness.

Bittersweet witnessing that I have experienced include:

From far and wide - outpourings of love to my Mom who, for over 59 years, was married to her “rock.”
Virtual re-connections with childhood friends from decades ago.
A bazillion shared memories from happy, healthy, times: Dad was here for grandchildren’s graduations, granddaughters’ weddings, births, my recent marriage.
Sympathies in letters, emails, Facebook posts, online obit postings.
Co-caregiving with my wonderful brother, so that we might bolster my mother’s spirit as well.
Hospice “angels” who showered my Dad with gentle softness and beautiful grace.
My children, who just told me things that I have never heard before: beautiful insight and loving guidance from their grandfather.
Signs everywhere that reveal that my Dad will always be here—not physically, but here.
When the emotions overtake the CBT that I think that I have so carefully practiced, my loving husband is there, “having and holding me, from this day forward,” just as promised a few months ago, during our wedding vows.
It takes me less than 3 seconds to find a positive memory, thought, or emotion, for there are too many to count, to place on top of sadness.

For me, I have determined that choosing to feel good is the “new normal.” The new normal is like a slideshare – throughout the day and night, there are moving images, memories and signs, that capture one happy moment to the next, underscoring the love and connection I still have with my Dad. Repeat.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

What Is in Your Degree?

2011-06-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

June 3, 2011

It’s graduation time and this Coach Poppy newsletter is inspired by the words of Bill Bennett, who offers poignant words to graduates this year. My son is a senior with graduation tonight, and I wonder about his takeaways from his high school learning experience. What might he say is in his degree?

First of all, for your perseverance, your hard work, your stick-to-it-iveness, your intelligence and your drive, I congratulate you -- that's for the parents. Now I want to offer the graduating class four pieces of advice, general but personal advice to each one of you about the parts of the real world to which you are being transferred. I don't wish to speak of life in the government or of public policy or some burning public issue of the day, but rather of some steady and enduring issues of every day. Of the particular blessing of civilization and literature and history and philosophy that has advised us about these things.

My first piece of advice, my longest one: Try to like life. Be good-humored about your mortality. I don't mean that you should like all parts of your life, or all parts of the world, or that you should be happy with everything that occurs in your life -- you certainly won't be. My advice is that your attitude be one of optimism, engagement and interest, and that's largely under your control.

Writing about disappointment, the great novelist George Eliot once wrote, "Everything depends not on the mere fact of disappointment, but on the nature affected and the force that stirs it." Let disappointment, when it comes, and it will come, stir you, stir your force. So that is practical optimism that I recommend to you.

If you think about it, living with interests and engagement is an attitude to which there is simply no reasonable alternative. Beware the cynics; beware the dampers. Cynicism, gripping a state of chronic disappointment and complaining about the world, is no way to have life work for you or to live it. And those who start out feigning cynicism soon become cynics for real. Cynicism corrodes. It corrodes passion. It corrodes commitment. So take into your enterprises what the writer E.M. Forster calls "pluckiness." Pluckiness of spirit. Take good will and take a good sense of humor.

My second piece of advice is a corollary of the first. Look forward to work, don't dread it. Look forward to it and approach your work with passion and engagement. Listening to my contemporaries, I can tell you that I have found over and over again that those men and women who like what they do from day to day are happier than those who do not like what they do, even if the latter make twice or three times or five times as much money as the former.

Think of your work in terms of what you know and what you love. Try to expand the number of things that you know and love. There are blessings, ladies and gentlemen, blessings to be won in this way, blessings to be won from work that cannot be won from idleness or leisure. The humanities have long taught that work killed fewer hearts than boredom or idleness do. Modern medical science bears this out.

Perhaps for some of you, your first job may not be the one you really want. It certainly wasn't for me. That's not unusual. The idea that every person should be able to choose the job he or she wants is in fact, as history goes, a very new idea, still a relatively rare reality. So if that's your situation, the only reasonable thing to do is to make the best of it. But, while making the best of it, don't let your passions dry. Don't lose the passion to do what you know and what you love. We are at our best when we do that which we know and which we love.

In the movie "Chariots of Fire," the great English runner Eric Liddell told us he loved to run. "When I run," he said, "I feel God's pleasure." I think all of us have the opportunity to feel God's pleasure through us, but only if we're willing to stay at it. To be at one with one's work, whether it is dentistry or running or sales or teaching or farming or even government, is worth a very great deal.

My third piece of advice has to do with an old issue and a contemporary occupation. You see it all the time on television, and they talk about it in the movies, and no doubt the subject is still a late-night dormitory conversation. That subject is called happiness.

Here is what I've learned about it. First, I say to you that I wish happiness for all of you. But my advice to you, strange as it may sound, is not to seek happiness. There are all sorts of people who think that happiness is a condition that can be sought, then caught and then maintained indefinitely, kept in a jar or in a cage.

Some also believe that the quality of a life is determined by the number of hours of happiness you can chalk up. That's not true. The thing is, the irony is, that you will have a much better chance of finding happiness if you don't bother your head about it, if you worry about other things.

No doubt, some of you have already discovered that happiness is not the same as pleasure. Pleasure comes and pleasure goes, but happiness is a different thing. The point is, as Robertson Davies has written, "The nature of happiness is such that happiness retreats the more intensely you pursue it."

Happiness is like a cat. If you coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it won't come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you will find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap. So forget pursuing happiness. Instead, pursue learning, pursue work, pursue honor, pursue your commitments and keep them, pursue the truth, pursue decency, look honestly for God. Be faithful to your spouse, to your children, to your friends, to your country. Forget pursuing happiness; pursue other things and with luck happiness will come to you.

Finally, the fourth and last piece of advice, is about your mind. A very smart man, a philosopher, once said, "The sole purpose of education is to be able to detect when a man is talking rot." I hope you know it when you hear or read it. I hope you haven't read it today. For this advice, this very brief last piece of advice, is about your mind. Here I offer this saying: "Keep an open mind. An open mind is a very good thing. But don't keep your mind so open that your brains fall out."

Thank you. Congratulations. I wish you and your families well.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Showing Up at the Starting Line

2011-05-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

Geoffrey Spencer, 2003

May 2, 2011

Eight years ago tomorrow, my (now) husband put a half-a-century- old sailboat in the water. Following his resolute commitment to honor the memory of his passionate and resilient brother, George Spencer, III, “Twig,” – a man who had great “joie de vivre” – my husband, Geoff, was determined to make his brother’s story and legacy live on in a joyous and positive way.

Elizabeth Leland, staff writer for the Charlotte Observer, captured a poignant story that inspired this Coach Poppy newsletter. Reprinted below, she tells a story that reminds us of perseverance, honor, and of “showing up” – especially in the face of struggle - as a testament and winning symbol of love and commitment.

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Misty: One brother set sail on a dream, but the other had to see it through

Four years ago, in a back yard in Davidson, two brothers surveyed what was left of their childhood sailboat.

Misty was her name.

As kids in the 1960s, they had raced her with their dad on Lake Erie and jumped off her bow on summer vacations in Michigan’s Little Crystal Lake.

For the past few years, no one had raised the sails or lowered the centerboard. Her floor had rotted. The metal on her rudder had rusted. Her red, white and blue paint had peeled.

The older brother, nicknamed Twig, stared at the old boat for a long time without a word. He had loved nothing better than to ride at her bow so the wind and waves smacked his face.

Finally, the younger brother, Geoff, spoke up.

“What are you thinking?”

Tears flowed down Twig’s cheeks.

“I can’t believe I’m getting her.”

Misty was his now, a gift from their dad. As sad as she looked, she represented the best of their childhood.

Twig had a dream: Misty would sail again.

Misty Memories

Misty was built in 1957, one of the first Flying Scot sailboats, No. 24 out of 5530 now. Their father had bought her from a friend when she was 5 years old.

After Geoff and Twig Spencer grew up and moved away, their father found other people to crew for him in races at his home near Orlando, Fla.

In Davidson, Geoff bought his own Flying Scot, No. 2847, and several times a year, he and Twig raced Geoff’s boat.

Misty Memories was her name.

The brothers knew each other so well and knew the intricacies of the Flying Scot, they could communicate with few, if any, words. Geoff was the detail man—he fine-tuned the boat to make it sail faster. Twig showed up for the race and for the festivities.

Sailing brought the brothers together again.

Now Twig would have his own boat, too.

Geoff had towed Misty up from Florida to Davidson, and Twig took her the rest of the way to his home in Norwalk, Conn.

He removed Misty’s hardware and sanded her bottom and desk. With the help of a brother-in-law, he patched the floor. It was slow going, and if something better came along—a bike ride or a hike—he left Misty and the job behind.

Two years passed, and Misty still sat, dismantled, in Twig’s back yard.

Sept. 11

Twig worked as a commodities broker on the 84th floor of the World Trade Center. When the first plane hit on Sept. 11, 2001, he called his wife and parents: I’m OK. It was the other tower.

Geoff learned later that when the second plan hit, two men on the 84th floor headed down one stairwell—and survived. Twig headed down another.

Not the same

Without Twig, sailing wasn’t the same for Geoff.

“After the funeral, I was going through some stuff, and I found the racing instructions for Indian Harbor Yacht Club in Connecticut. Twig and I raced it together. I broke into tears.”

When someone else crewed for Geoff, he found himself wishing Twig was there.

“Twig knew everything about the boat. He was great at being my eyes and my ears. I didn’t have to worry about anything other than making the boat go as fast as the dickens.”

Geoff quit sailing and sold his boat, Misty Memories.

She’ll sail again

But he kept thinking back to that evening four years ago when Twig broke down in tears because Misty was his:

“I can’t believe I’m getting her.”

On the Friday after Thanksgiving 2002, Geoff acted on impulse. He drove to Connecticut. He would rescue Misty. He would finish what Twig had started.

It took Geoff a day to get Misty in shape to travel. Brown water the color of tea had filled her cockpit, with chunks of ice and decaying leaves bobbing about. The floor sagged like a sponge.

Back in Davidson, Geoff labored over Misty for six months. He cut away fiberglass and replaced rotten balsa wood. He re-sanded and repainted the deck and hull. He cleaned the hardware.

It was nasty work.

“I would never rest in peace if the boat hadn’t come back. I wasn’t going to let his dream die.”

The final task was to screw in blocks that guide the ropes.

“I was sobbing over this silly piece of hardware. She was back together again. She was whole.”

Back on the water

On May 4, a gray mist hung over Lake Norman and Geoff, now 46, took it as a sign.

He lowered Misty into the water, raised the sails and steered out of the cove.

Geoff shouted up to the sky: “We’re sailing, Twig. We did it, buddy.”

“This is my brother,” he said, patting Misty’s newly-painted sky-blue deck. “This is what his love was. This is where I say ‘hello’ to him. It’s where I feel him and sense him.”

The only thing left was to race Misty. The only person who would enjoy it as much as Geoff—who would appreciate it as much—was his dad, 81-year-old, George E. Spencer Jr.

On Wednesday through Friday, they plan to race Misty in the 2003 North American Championships at Lake Norman Yacht Club.

George Spencer will be Geoff’s eyes and ears.

This time, Geoff said, he’s not as determined to win.

“I’ve already won. This is my victory: showing up at the starting line.”

Mindfully yours,
Poppy

“God Eyes”

2011-04-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

April 21, 2011

“God Eyes.” We all have an immediate response to what that might mean to us. For me, “God Eyes” means a mixture of wisdom, understanding, humor, patience, love, compassion, knowingness, and all of the Bill Bennett virtues in his book. God Eyes is where we look when we are stuck and in our own way.

As a mother of four, I am certain that I had/have many of the same concerns as the excerpt below, from “Bossypants,” Tina Fey’s clever work. Inspired this week by Fey, she offers us a poignant reminder that we ought to recognize our own vulnerabilities and still keep faith wrapped up in swaddling blankets in our arms.

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“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her.

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.”

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

If and when we recognize our own vulnerabilities, what or whose eyes will we use?

The Protector

2011-04-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

April 13, 2011

Myers-Briggs would call the Protector, an “INFJ.” While The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) was designed based on Jungian work to understand human psychological types, I wonder if the assessment might be applicable to other species as well. The above image and embedded video showcases the beautiful intuitive nature and nurturing of non-verbal engagement. It is highly probable that the male deer, as protector, is classified with the INFJ personality type: Introverted (by nature), Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

The INFJ type is introverted, meaning they focus their attention and get their energy inwardly. The “N” describes how one takes in information intuitively vs. sensing. The “F” denotes how one makes a decision by feeling, rather than thinking; (and many of us lob back and forth between thinking and feeling). The “J” refers to how one orients to the external world using judgment or perception. The INFJ is one of 16 Myers-Briggs types and it illustrates a dominant or general classification, not a written-in-stone-‘you-are-this-way.’

When my brother was visiting from Milwaukee last week, we mused on the idea (that if we had to), what one word might we select to describe our father. While our Dad has many wonderful attributes, if I had to classify him with one word, it would be the “Protector.” And like most Coach Poppy newsletters, and ease of segue in timing of this story, it of course, got me to thinking about the associations and perceptions I attach to the word, Protector, as it relates to our father.

Our Dad is like this male buck in the poignant image above. Silently and mindfully, without words, the buck intuits exactly what is needed for the seemingly vulnerable female goose. Safety and well-being is of utmost concern for the recipients of the protector. Words are not necessary, because, empathically (and simply), the deer knows how to be, well… dear. In all situations.

One researcher at BSM Consulting described the protector, (INFJ) as one who likes things systematic and orderly in his/her outer world, and who continually re-defines the priorities in their lives. Protectors have such heightened intuitive instincts and often discover later, that their instincts were right, when they receive factual confirmation to support their initial thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes, as in the case of the deer and goose above, the protector has an uncanny insight into people and situations and understands what is going on a deep intuitive level. Often protectors are masterful at reconciling complex feelings and thoughts, and are “as genuinely warm as they are complex.” The protectors hold a special place in the heart of people to whom they are close; they are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. “They are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone.” (BSM Consulting, 2011)

When a human onlooker came close to where the goose was nesting, the male deer abruptly stood up and stood as barricade to the nesting goose in the urn. For me, it seemed counterintuitive to my thinking, in that, I often hear the expression: “like a deer in headlights.” The intuitive nurturing and protectiveness of the deer both trumped and dispelled its own behavioral traits.

Both my brother and I have been blessed to have been raised by loving and nurturing parents, and according to Myers-Briggs, both my brother and I might have some of our Dad’s protector-like qualities. If one can learn this trait, (or possibly even, intuit it), then indeed, we learned from the best.

Mindfully Yours,
Poppy

Try on the “protector gear” and discover what special gifts you might be able to recognize in those for whom you have great care.

Whom Do You Love Wholeheartedly?

2011-03-01T05:56:00.000-08:00

March 1, 2011

I was engaged at the writing of the last newsletter and now I am married and… still engaged! My husband, Geoff, and I continue to revel in our wedding weekend while sharing our most meaningful takeaways: the shared inspiration with our loved ones with whom we were immersed in engagement.

Several times we have remarked that our loving friends – some of whom we hadn’t seen in 30 years – traveled long distances to “share the love.” Many of those same friends have had recent losses and disappointments. We believe that our reunion and wedding joy was perhaps a platform on which they could be inspired to connect, renew and celebrate life and love. We appreciated all of the “feel goodness” and the words that describe those positive emotions; this was the phenomenon that was rampant for the 4 day celebration.

One of the words that we didn’t expect to have underscored the ‘lovefest’ we experienced, was “courage.” Micki, our Matron of Honor, gave a beautiful toast, having known each of us for more than half of our lifetime. She said she was so happy that my husband and I had the “courage” to be open to a renewed love. That got us reflecting, and the notion of courage has worked its way into this Coach Poppy newsletter.

It got me to thinking about the why and what of courage: at what points in our lives do we pause to examine the vulnerable aspects of ourselves?

Brene Brown, Ph.D.a professor and researcher at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, is a wonderful “wholeheartedness” expert and self-acclaimed “story teller researcher.” She tells us that courage is from the Latin word ‘heart,’ which tells the “story of who you are with your whole heart.” She poses this to us: “How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?”

The researcher in Brown examined her research results on courage, compassion, and connection and came up with this:

“Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to being imperfect, to set boundaries, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit; nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.”

She points out that her research showed that “the other thing they had in common was this: they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They spoke about the willingness to say I love you first; the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees; the willingness to invest in a relationship that may or not work out. They thought this was fundamental.”

What was so fundamentally obvious to my husband and me was that our re-connection and renewed love had taken courage on both of our parts. We were both not only willing, but open to take the courage to reinvest in our first love, to get out of our practicality and vulnerabilities - (read: our heads), and open ourselves up to one another with trusting hearts. We did this so easily, readily and seamlessly.

And through social interaction, both face to face and virtually, we showcased that openness and courage and figuratively said to our friends/loved ones: “C’mon along on the ride; ride this great wave with us.” And they did. Decades worth of friends, High School and college pals, (some of whom had experienced great loss, felt vulnerable, and perhaps lacked courage), nonetheless, suspended their lives for 4 days and jumped in with both feet, just as quickly as we had.

This willingness of which Brown speaks is paramount to our wholehearted souls no matter our engagement: personal or professional. Our work/life persona is the same: we cannot disconnect from one and be wholehearted in another. What vulnerabilities can we recognize (and embrace) to allow ourselves the courage to live and love in an engaged and wholehearted way?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

What Pronoun-Speak Do You Use?

2011-02-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 18, 2011

Earlier this week, the minister who will marry my fiance and me tomorrow, gave an inspiring sermon where he spoke of “foundation” and “building.” My favorite part of the sermon, and the part that really captivated me, was when I heard the 3 two-letter words – all pronouns: “we, us, ours.”

For the almost 10 months since I have reconnected with my first love, I have felt like an “us.” Like most Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to thinking not just about our soul mates, yet about all of our relationships. I wonder if we thought of all of our relationships in the team way of “we, us, and ours,” if they would be rife with deep caring and meaning.

Several of you have asked that I republish the “Full Circle” newsletter of the story that has once again made me an “us.” The edited and excerpted passages follow below.

“In the month of September of my senior year in college, I fell in laughter. And love.

Rollins College, a small liberal arts college in Winter Park, Florida, was the palm-treed-Spanish-moss-topped-architecture-fairytale backdrop for what was, I felt, a perfect love. After many high school and college boyfriends and dates, I knew in my heart, he was “it.”

If I had done then, a checklist of the essential properties of what constitutes a perfect love, all of the top 5 boxes would have been checked: 1) Trust 2) Faith 3) Love 4) Compassion and Passion 5) Laughter.

Yet I didn’t have a checklist then. At 21 years old, with minimal foresight and hindsight practice, I did not connect my “heart knowing” with “head knowing.” Today, many - like Dan Pink - in his bestseller, A Whole New Mind, would call this: right brain/left brain alignment; intuition and cognition; gut instinct vs. linear thinking. I didn’t have the reservoir of life’s experientials upon which to draw, and two weeks before graduation, I trusted that the right thing to do was to get out of my heart and into my head. Hearts were broken.

I went back to Wisconsin, married someone else, bore beautiful children, and 13 years later, took a peek back in time after my divorce to re-examine the wonderful characteristics I had so cherished in my college sweetheart. Pre-Google, I searched for Geoff using the archaic means of 411 to call a city in which I knew he had last lived; no listing was found. (There would be two more times I would search for him, even as recent as December, 2009, yet I was unsuccessful.)

I’ve determined now, that the “checklist” that I created had essentially developed and evolved over a span of 30 years. Decidedly, I believed, (and still do), that the 5 points of trust, faith, love, compassion - passion, and laughter, that I had discovered as key ingredients in a loving relationship, would serve me well in all of my interpersonal relations; they were/are universal tenets.

As is usually the case with Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to some mindful thinking about how our personal lives intersect - often quite frequently – with our work lives. Many of my coaching clients will sign on to work with me to plan, strategize, and leverage their business acumen to achieve promising results. And many times, we land upon the concerns in their hearts – those priorities that are most important to them - that have nothing to do with the bottom line. It is a blending of head and heart - whole-picture thinking - that brings true desired results.

We are not quite sure of the exact impetus for the inspiration for Geoff to find me last Spring, yet somewhere in the equation there must be sprinkles of trust and faith.

We need to be able to cultivate the symmetry, synchronicity, and seamlessness of thinking, feeling and doing. Having trust and faith in the fusion of head and heart needs to be a continuous circle…in all of our relationships, not just with our soulmates.”

Tomorrow, I can hardly wait to share the “we, us, and ours,” with my first love and last love, surrounded by lifelong loved ones. I am excited to affirm those five tenets of faith, trust, love, compassion/passion, laughter that I collectively celebrate with - and hopefully inspire – all of the “we’s, us-es, and ours,” on our wedding day!

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Are You a P.O.P.?

2011-01-28T12:53:00.000-08:00

January 2011

“Plain Ole’ People.” Three decades ago, that is what I coined for those people who have celeb-like status, who some perceive as unapproachable, and who usually live quite exciting sounding lifestyles. Yet, these “POP’s” are actually down to earth, authentic in their interaction with us, and graciously engage equally with us - human being to human being. And…they share this one commonality with us: they have extraordinary and ordinary gifts…just like us.

Dorothy Hamill is one of these POP’s: she is extraordinary on many levels yet she shares ordinary humanities and vulnerabilities just like the rest of us. While she is perhaps best known for her amazing star status on ice, she has taken extraordinary measures to showcase one aspect of the ordinariness of her life.

Earlier this month, she spoke to a 1000+ crowd on her journey through depression, and recently, breast cancer. Through most of her episodic depression, she coped with it in whispered tones, most likely following the rules of society that subliminally suggest that we not discuss “those kinds of things.” Today, she and others are graciously and humbly asking that we “out” mental illness; that we lose any stigmatization.

When friends and adoring fans learned of her recent bout with breast cancer, she shared with us that she received “everything pink.” She was showered in pinkness, yet when she had episodes with depression (where she claimed she needed encouragement), there was no support, because people “just don’t talk about it.”

So often, we are comforted, assuaged, and touched by those who make us feel “OK;” and about whom we can say: “They are just like me.” You know of POP’s – the ones whom make you feel extraordinary in our ordinary lives. In past Coach Poppy newsletters, I have written of Mickey from Publix who treats every customer as if they have just taken a pass down the red carpet. Marty Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihaly (“chick-sent-me-high”) positivity authors and psychologists extraordinaire, are two others whom I have had not only the pleasure of meeting, but actually with whom I have had insightful discussions. THEY are plain ole’ people – becoming immediate colleagues, rather than the world famous trailblazers that they are.

POP’s are people who have the following ingredients in the DNA of their personalities: humanity, empathy, decency, and several quarts of graciousness. They present as ordinary people who reflect back to us, the extraordinary parts of ourselves that we have overlooked.

So what can we do in our daily lives to not only identify our own extraordinary gifts and skills – for I believe we all have them, yet, also help others showcase their own set of unique talents, that they may not readily recognize? Are you a POP?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Christmas Best and Blessed

2010-12-31T12:07:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2011

‘Twas the night before the new year

And all through Sarasota,

Folks welcomed in 2011,

While businesses reached their year-end quota.

Pundits scrutinized the year,

With a microscopic lens,

And people secretly hoped for a

Cross-the-board economic cleanse.

Talking heads spoke of worry,

Of a downturn and a slump;

While visions of recovery

Were met with a harumph.

And me in my cashmere,

Bracing an atypical Florida chill,

Had just settled my coachpoppy spreadsheet,

And finished the last electronic bill.

I sat back from my desk

And reviewed this year with the rest,

I so quickly determined,

For me, this year I was blessed!

Teens, George and Molly welcomed their sisters,

The Chicago- based sibs;

Kimmy and Matthew’s three massive bags,

Were topped off with pink baby bibs.

Kelly and Bryan traveled lightly,

And had breezed through security;

Check point agents with probes,

Waved them past with pleasant-like surety.

When out from my reverie,

There arose such a sound,

I leapt up from my laptop,

Climbing over boxes on the ground.

And there in the driveway

Stood a figure dressed in red;

Yet it wasn’t anyone complaining,

It was Santa instead.

He said he’d come back,

With a post Christmas gift;

It was sure to boost spirits

And give everyone a lift.

I was eager and intrigued,

Curious to know of this offer,

And silently wondered if his present,

Required a dip in the coffer.

The reindeer grazed and nibbled,

On our light-adorned shrubs,

While Geoff’s son, Jonathon,

Watched a recording of Scrubs.

I searched high and low for

A present from his sack;

And even twirled around Santa,

To see if was behind his back.

Nothing was evident,

I realized with a start,

My curiosity was explosive;

There was pounding in my heart.

With a jolly wry smile,

He pointed to his chest;

He said “The gift is right here;”

“When you discover it, it’s the best.”

“Your heart can’t be quantified,

By spreadsheets, quotas, and measures;

The gifts of family and loved ones –

You have 4 generations of treasures.”

“On positivity! Oh Mindfulness!

Optimism! Think Easy Street!”

“When you embrace all of these,

Your life will be full and complete.”

“What you imagine - will happen,”

He said with a wink;

The law of attraction abounds,

With how you feel and you think.”

“And you’ve re-found your soulmate,

Some say that’s sort of ‘cheesy,’

With positivity of mind and spirit,

Life with your Geoff is wonderfully easy.

“You’ve never been happier

I know that most will agree,

Now share love around you;

This is my Christmas decree.”

“Spread your good will;

A heartfelt smile ear to ear;

And know that we wish you,

Blessings throughout the new year.”

Santa waved to his reindeer,

Saying forgive those who feel maligned;

And smiled at me graciously:

“Continue to keep your heart well-aligned.”

New Year’s Blessing and Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Nordy’s: Leveraging Creativity So the Shoe Fits!

2010-12-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

December 10, 2010

The above photo is from the semiannual Nordstrom’s sale last month in Chicago. At first blush, it would appear that it was chaotic, but it was nothing of the kind. It was as mindful and spa-like as being at a happy retreat. I believe this experience was because Nordstrom’s has one employee face: happy, gentle, kind, and compassionate.

“Shoe dog.” That is what dear family friend Ginny told me over Thanksgiving weekend that her management team from 20+ years ago used to call the new hires who work in the shoe department at Nordstrom's. What does a show dog do? A Nordstrom personnel who works in the shoe department will gently offer to bring you some shoes that you have selected, yet he/she does not bring the one pair; he or she brings three pairs. In the same vein, the behemoth, Amazon, offers a like-mindedness when you purchase an online product: “If you like this, then you might also like this…” Not only did it work 26 years ago, it still works today.

Ginny shared the story of her teenage son, who many years back, worked as a shoe dog (the proverbial bottom of the Nordstrom’s food chain) and served a customer who wanted a pair of shoes in a size 7 and the same pair in an 8 ½. So of course, he had to strategically balance 6 pairs of shoes on his way back to the customer from the storage room. She selected two pair from his choices: two pair in the size 7 and two identical pair in the size 8 ½.

The young teen inquired if she were buying a pair for herself and someone else. The woman explained that the 4 pair were for herself, that her feet are not even close to be the same size. The teenager excused himself momentarily and spoke with his supervisor and shared what the customer had explained to him. He quickly returned to say that she would only need to buy 2 pair of shoes and he took one 7 and one 8 ½ from each box and rang up her sale. She was stunned and said that no other shoe department had: 1) ever even asked why she was buying two pair of shoes, or 2) considered offering her one shoe from each separate box.

The customer tried to decline what she thought was too big a money loss and too generous a deed. She asked, “What will you do with one shoe?” The young teen said it was no problem. Nordstrom's often will donate single shoes to organizations for the disabled.

Marketers will annually spend millions of dollars to promote their company’s brand. Nordstrom's and customer service are synonymous. They have this trusted reputation because they have never strayed from their mission. Their emphasis on the customer is such a well-oiled machine that their marketing plan really includes you and me. Solution-seeking with their brand identity in mind: “How do we remain completely customer-oriented and not lose our shirts when we gladly refund a tire chain purchase (we do not sell tire chains) and shoes that don’t match?” We use creative solution-seeking and market the heck out it.

And it works; the shoe fits.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

What can we do this week to be a Nordy to all with whom we engage?

The Art of Gratitude

2010-11-24T09:29:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving, 2010

Inspired by so many people this week, this Coach Poppy newsletter-writer is chock full of gratitude for those who make her world beautiful. From her fiancé, children, family, friends, co-workers, students, and clients, she has become a “gratitude maker.” Gratitude is not just in her heart at this time of year, it is a cornucopia of abundance throughout the year.

Revisiting friend and art therapy colleague, Gretchen Miller’s, wonderfully creative altered book on Gratitude always warms my heart, as does Gretchen, the person behind the art; she is a lovely, genuine person through and through. And while most of us celebrate Thanksgiving week with appreciation in our hearts, more than enough food in our stomachs, along with travel (and the tales of traveling), and football – (for no Thanksgiving is complete without play-by-play announcers, Jim Nantz and Phil Simms) – I wonder how many of us hold the intention of gratitude throughout the day? The month? The year? How many of us can easily pull up and acknowledge people and events for whom, and for which, we are grateful?

In one of my last Psychology classes, crickets chirped when I assigned a creative written and art project with the theme of gratitude. And like most Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to thinking about why this seemed so challenging: to document and transcribe those thoughts and feelings that reflect one’s appreciation and gratitude. Why did this suggestion stop people in their tracks? Why was it difficult to articulate the words and behaviors that we both offer and receive, that reflect our appreciation? Why is it that when some of us are asked: “What’s wrong?,” words easily spring forward from our mouths, yet when we are asked to comment on what’s right and wonderful in our lives, we are often times, stymied?

I can be as guilty as anyone on the ease with which I can offer up a quick injustice; however, since the beginning of the year, I have enrolled in a course called: The Art of Gratitude. As opposed to a distance learning course, this one is what I would call “close learning,” in that, it is close to my heart, and as the only enrollee, I have the opportunity to learn from those with whom I share life experiences. The art part comes in as choice: the choosing I do to bathe all of my life experiences in a positive light.

And I believe it is this choice part that gets us tangled up. Perhaps it is that many times, some of us allow external events to be our default setting; we just react to outside influences without the recognition that we have the complete freedom to choose exactly how to respond to anything or anyone. What I have discovered in the last few years, is that when I begin to feel the stirrings of negative emotion, I pause, ask myself: “What is the good in this situation?” and then, mindfully choose to let the art of gratitude wash over me. Perhaps it involves an extra step in our moment-to-moment interactions, but I believe it is a worthy step to take.

Consider letting gratitude roll off your tongue. Instead of a finger, consider flipping a smile. With a near-10% unemployment rate, consider appreciation in the job you currently have. For achy joint complaints, consider dropping in the nearest cancer clinic where it appears as if there is SRO in the chemo chairs at many facilities. For family drama, consider choosing 3 wonderful traits for each person on which to focus when you share a Thanksgiving meal. And if you want to get an “A” in the Art of Gratitude, ladle some of those positive thoughts and compliments on each person as you pass the gravy.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

The Art of Graciousness

2010-11-11T06:11:00.000-08:00

Veterans Day, 2010

The past two weekends, my fiancé and I attended out of town weddings, where brides come from parents whom I consider to be my “veteran friends.” We have been friends for close to 30 years and I have watched both brides grow up. I watched as these two young lovely women were weaned on the most exquisite luxuries of life, and this was evidenced again these past two weekends in the grandness of each of the bride’s wedding ceremony and reception. While the sheer jaw-dropping setting of each wedding site was - and will be - talked about forever, my fiancé and I were even more touched and awed by the brides themselves. Both brides have an inner and outer beauty, for certain, and the essence of that beauty has its foundation in pure graciousness.

Don’t get me wrong. The wedding ceremony, staging, music, dining, reception, flowers were all stunning – way over the top and not even close to anything we had ever experienced. What struck us most of all though, was the beautiful and genuine authenticity that each bride offered us. Upon seeing me and meeting my fiancé following the ceremony, both brides said – no - exclaimed: “Oh, you must be Geoff; I have heard so much about you. I am so happy for you and Poppy!”

On a day when it is almost mandatory that brides are in the “all-about-me” mode, both of these young lovelies were - like their wedding receptions – over the top in awesomeness and graciousness. What a beautiful testament to their parents and to these two brides for showcasing the beautiful art of graciousness.

And like many Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to some mindful thinking about graciousness in our everyday lives. It got me to thinking about graciousness today, Veterans Day, and how I was moved to tears in the airport recently when a young husband-father-son-brother returned from service at Chicago’s Midway airport in a wing of the terminal that held about 12 gates. The soldier’s family had gathered, replete with balloons and banners, and the cheering and hugging that occurred spread to all of the gates within a 300 yard radius. Every single passenger stood up, and applauded; and I imagine that all of us had tears in our eyes: tears of gratitude; tears of the human spirit touched; tears that acknowledged and honored all who serve, and tears of grace inherent in the human soul.

When the father of the bride spoke at the reception this past weekend, he honored both his wife and daughter; I couldn’t stop the lump that formed in my throat nor the tears welling in my eyes. Whether it is a bride, Veteran, or ‘veteran friends’ whom we appreciate and honor, we may be surprised to find that the graciousness boomerangs back to us from those whom we are honoring. When we act on the inner grace that we all possess, incredible things can happen; yet nothing as valuable nor stunning, as the authentic engagement of human hearts.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Acts of Love May Sometimes Be Scary

2010-10-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

Halloween, 2010

In our 21st year, my college sweetheart was brave enough to attend a college sorority/fraternity Halloween party with me, dressed up as a timeless piece of candy, where he actually wore green-tinted hosiery. What 21 year old male would do that? Someone who: a) is an adventurer b) is madly in love c) is secure enough with himself to embrace the joyousness and fun in life d) all of the above. In this case, the answer is, d: all of the above.

Last week’s Coach Poppy newsletter touched upon the ego – the part of ourselves that can sometimes override our best intentions to have fun, do something kind and thoughtful for someone else, or to step out of our comfort zones. 33 years ago, this photo represented a definite stepping-out-of-one’s-male-comfort- zone, to don this handmade costume and to attend a dance with his girlfriend, whom, as he often said/says: he “adored.”

And Halloween aside, let’s be honest: moving far away from our routines, areas of order and organization, and positioning ourselves in a situation where we are assuredly going to be taunted and judged, is a scary proposition. The ego does not like to be tipping the scales away from the center, where life has order, balance, and expected (and socially accepted) perceptions of thought, attitude and behavior. I mean, guys did not wear hosiery – even on Halloween – 33 years ago. They dressed as pirates, spies, and gangsters; convicts, sports personas, and Frankenstein. Only if male libido was accented, would they agree to wear testosterone-appropriate costuming; certainly not m&m cutouts, and definitely not tights.

So what makes a guy agree to wear a ridiculous outfit? One possibility is the ego’s silly willingness to be different, to step out – (think: outrageous), for a short time. Another is the ego’s desire to please someone about whom they care and love.

This is the crux of what I believe, makes any relationship healthy and magnificent. Placing ourselves out there in a scary way – mindfully and completely for the sake of someone else’s wishes – is a grand and gracious gesture. It says: “I care about you enough to take a risk, to take a chance that my ego will take a lashing; to let others know that I am so happy, that nothing I do, or say, or wear, will diminish that.” Being scared to put ourselves out there, is, in the long, run so detrimental to our well-being and life purpose.

Oftentimes, my clients will share with me that they did not speak up in the corporate meeting; they did not step out in gracious honesty to their co-worker or supervisor. The regret that accompanies their fear, many times comes, as both emotional and financial loss. The boss or employer today, is looking for people who are comfortable in their own skin; who are not afraid to speak their thoughts and share their ideas, even if those ideas are perceived as risky and rock-the-boat-like. This desirable leader-person is someone who will take a risk – sometimes viewed as an act of love - for the betterment of another or others.

While possibly a spooky thought, those risk takers – the ones who place themselves out of their comfort zones, and who collaborate for the enhancement of the company, the team, and others about whom they care - are the leaders of today. These are the ones who will win, not just your mind, but your heart.

I would know. 33 years ago, the green peanut m&m won my heart as he continues to do today.

Mindfully Yours,
Poppy

What scary action might you consider taking today for the betterment of another? About whom do you adore enough to take a risk and offer your egoless best?

Are You A Shepherd?

2010-10-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

October 22, 2010

Still touched by the leaders whom I have encountered this month, I came across several past newsletters that I had written, in which I shared some highlights from a 6-part series on Dan Pink’s six senses from his book, A Whole New Mind: the “high touch, high concept, aptitudes,” that will shape our future. The high touch leader – the one who is other-oriented, who recognizes strengths in those around him/her, and who continually holds positive intentions – is the one I gently ask us to be as we engage with one another.

In one of my social media forums, I posted on a blog. The question e-pal and Sales and Leadership blogger, Doyle Slayton, posed was: Do we have a leadership problem?” The commentary that followed was intriguing; there were many responses in the form of blog comments, posts, and tweets. My knee-jerk response was, “Yes.” And I believed it could be summed up in 3 little letters: E-g-o.

The word “power” was used, and others indicated that there is lack of motivation, lack of people to take responsibility. Yet, I think it is the mindful way in which we look at and engage with another that really measures our leadership barometer. I believe that when we allow our egos to take the driver’s seat, leadership opportunities get kicked to the curb.

Nine years ago, I wrote my graduate thesis on storytelling and art making to nourish our souls. In today’s text-mania world, traditional storytelling has not only been relegated to the back seat, I’m willing to suggest that it has been put in the trunk or rear cargo hold. It is a challenge to eke out a story in a 140-character tweet. The impetus for my first published work was from my grandfather, who a local historian in 1986, described this way:

“He was an avid reader, a celebrated raconteur, and a shrewd social observer with a droll sense of humor. He was above all, a natural leader, one who led by the force of his character, rather than his position in society. He was a calm, extraordinary persuasive leader, who guided the group as a shepherd might guide his flock. He prodded, soothed, mediated, and motivated, always with an eye to the welfare of the whole.”

Pride aside, for I was always close with my story-telling grandfather, the words that resonated with me then, as they still do today, are the “shepherd . . . with an eye to the welfare of the whole.”

Michael Carroll, in his 2007 book, The Mindful Leader, teaches us how to “lead beyond arrogance, fear, and resentment, and in turn inspire the best in others.” As we continue to prod and set our daily intentions, dreams and goals, I invite you to follow the shepherd, the one who leads with his/her eye to the welfare and well-being of the whole. Consider the non-ego action verbs to drive us: prod, soothe, mediate, and motivate and allow the inspiration of a mindful leader to get behind the wheel of the car.

Mindfully yours,
Poppy

“More often than not, seeking success for ourselves proves pointless and shallow, whereas, seeking success and inspiration for others, almost always delivers prosperity and well-being right into our hands.”
– Michael Carroll (2007)

What can we do today, to showcase our leadership to others?

Hearing the Voice of Wolf Wisdom: Zen Leadership and Collaboration

2010-10-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

I have several "Zen friends": those women whose spirit is a mixture of radiant intuition and creative soulfulness. Fendell and Krista are two of these friends. Four years ago, 7 of us - (including these two Zen friends I mention) - in one of my art classes, got the inclination to work on a collective art image as a response piece that was inspired by Pinkola Estes’ book, Women Who Run with the Wolves.

As the leader/facilitator of the group, I did not have any predisposed intentions about how it would turn out; I merely had faith, trust and an inner sense that the art work would not only become a finished product, (and to an art therapist, this is often secondary), the process of how 14 hands touched, worked, blended, paused, painted, collaborated, and sprinkled our creative strengths, would reveal great insight to us. And of course, it did.

The story of the wolf woman, La Loba, speaks of the transformative nature of a wild woman: “is the far-seer, she is a deep listener, she is loyal heart . . . she is the voice that says, ‘This way, this way.”

Through our painting, we chose to use symbolic imagery and story to portray La Loba. In the first image, the wolf is depicted in the lower right corner; strata of desert (dryness of life force) are adjacent on the left corner, a butterfly symbolizing the transformative process is in the upper right, and the moon as a feminine representation, is in the left center. The intention (which we discussed post-completion) of our unspoken artistic message was to convey the feeling of a fragmented female soul or spirit in search of alignment with the wolf (strength).

The magic that I believe always happens within the art therapy process is that unconscious symbols and meanings reveal themselves, in either the art process - (the actual doing of the art) - or the art work itself. Often times, it is both.

When we had finished the painting, we turned it upside down; we often do this during the stages of painting. What appeared to the group was a fragmented woman. The butterfly wings on its reverse view had become the old woman, and none of us had consciously thought to paint a woman.

Without talking, we had painted silently; never discussing who should paint what, where. Like the wolf pack, respect for space was unspoken, and a trust and faith that the creative process would lead the way was implicit.

Last week’s Coach Poppy newsletter gave voice to leadership; this newsletter does as well. There are so many ways in which we are all leaders, for we bring unique creative talents and strengths to the table, whether in the board room, the class room, or the family room. I believe it is within the quiet space of recognition where those strengths can manifest, that we really shine and grow as creative leaders and collaborators.

In yesterday’s, Art of Leadership class with high schoolers, I witnessed beautiful collaboration among the group. In drawing a visual representation to underscore and reflect our wolf leadership story, "Wisdom of Wolves," the students shared that they were touched by words which they could relate to in their own lives: “Every wolf has his own voice. Every wolf respects the voice of every other wolf.”

“The Great Spirit gave us two ears and one tongue so we can
listen twice as much as we speak.”
– Native American Proverb

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Listening and witnessing: What can we do today, to truly listen to, and empower our co-worker, our colleague, our client, our peer, our classmate, our friend, our loved ones, our mate, our child, our friend, so that his/her strengths will be open to revelation for all to behold?

The Art of Leadership

2010-10-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

October 7, 2010

Captain Matt McGraw, a 30-year-old marine helicopter pilot, shared with a group of 450 people a few days ago, his views on leadership. His speech had all of the wow factor trimmings, which resulted in an eruption of a wildly-cheering standing ovation from 400+ college prep high school young men in Cleveland, Ohio. The young captain spoke of some of the essential attributes of a good leader: proficiency, dedication, accountability, perseverance, and detachment.

And while these leadership characteristics may have a familiar common thread for many of us, it was detachment that caught my ear. At first blush, detachment might seem counter-intuitive to the manner in which we engage with our co-workers, colleagues, life mates, friends, clients and prospects. Yet, it is precisely what is called upon in a time of intense concerns and profound challenges. The story that Captain McGraw shared with our riveted audience several days ago was how, with a focused resolve, he was able to impart to his men – his team – that they had lost 4 of their finest (and by the way, they are all the “finest.”) when the helicopter went down.

He shared that he had to face his troop with directness and a strong demeanor so that he could model and reflect the strength that they too, would need to acquire. When asked of the most difficult thing he had ever done, it was this story of facing his men to impart the tragic news while mustering his own resiliency and strength of spirit.

And it got me to thinking about leadership qualities that we use off the battlefield. I am a believer that we are all leaders – that we have inherent strengths and gifts that are called upon at the right time, in the right place. In order to allow these gifts to surface, we need to perhaps recognize that we ought to have a presence of detachment so that our emotional containers do not runneth over.

In challenging situations, what do you do in order for your emotional energy to take a back seat? If there is a discrepancy with a co-worker or a client, what innate leadership qualities are called forth?

Captain McGraw recognized that his priority was his troop; he put his emotions aside and had the welfare of his charges front and center. Putting other’s first, being other-oriented, is one way in which we are shaped as leaders. What strengths can you identify that reflect your leadership?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Heart Healthy: Sack Lunch

2010-09-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

September 24, 2010

With a full heart, free-flowing emotional output, and a lump in my throat when re-reading a story today, this inspirational story that both touched me and laid the inspirational foundation for this week’s Coach Poppy newsletter. Last week, I shared with you, Full Circle, the reunion of two hearts that had been separated by a span of 32 years. My fiancé and I feel that the years that we were not together were a mere blip; we feel that there is a timelessness to our relationship. Today’s blog also gives me a sense of timelessness as its author, one man, speaks to the implicit richness of the human heart and spirit.

'It was going to be a long flight.’ I thought.    

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.    

'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.  

'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan.’    

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time...    

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. ‘Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base.'    

His friend agreed.  

 I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.'  

 Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?'  

'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.  

'This is your thanks.'  

 After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.    

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, 'I want to shake your hand.'

Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.    

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.    

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!  

 Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base.  I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich.  God Bless You.'    

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.    

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...    

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'

Mindfully Yours,
Poppy

Like Who Packed Your Parachute, this re-purposed Coach Poppy newsletter gives voice to all those who are heart-healthy. What timeless, universal gesture may give rise to a lump in your throat? Where might compassion and appreciation enter into your dialogue today? What symbolic sack lunch will you consider offering today?

Full Circle

2010-09-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

September 17th, 2010

In the month of September of my senior year in college, I fell in laughter. And love.

Rollins College, a small liberal arts college in Winter Park, Florida, was the palm-treed-Spanish-moss-topped-architecture-fairytale backdrop for what was, I felt, a perfect love. After many high school and college boyfriends and dates, I knew in my heart, he was “it.”

If I had done then, a checklist of the essential properties of what constitutes a perfect love, all of the top 5 boxes would have been checked: 1) Trust 2) Faith 3) Love 4) Compassion and Passion 5) Laughter.

Yet I didn’t have a checklist then. At 21 years old, with minimal foresight and hindsight practice, I did not connect my “heart knowing” with “head knowing.” Today, many - like Dan Pink - in his bestseller, A Whole New Mind, would call this: right brain/left brain alignment; intuition and cognition; gut instinct vs. linear thinking. I didn’t have the reservoir of life’s experientials upon which to draw, and two weeks before graduation, I trusted that the right thing to do was to get out of my heart and into my head. Hearts were broken.

I went back to Wisconsin, married someone else, bore beautiful children, and 13 years later, took a peek back in time after my divorce to re-examine the wonderful characteristics I had so cherished in my college sweetheart. Pre-Google, I searched for Geoff using the archaic means of 411 to call a city in which I knew he had last lived; no listing was found. (There would be two more times I would search for him, even as recent as December, 2009, yet I was unsuccessful.)

I’ve determined now, that the “checklist” that I created had essentially developed and evolved over a span of 30 years. Decidedly, I believed, (and still do), that the 5 points of trust, faith, love, compassion - passion, and laughter, that I had discovered as key ingredients in a loving relationship, would serve me well in all of my interpersonal relations; they were/are universal tenets.

As is usually the case with Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to some mindful thinking about how our personal lives intersect - often quite frequently – with our work lives. Many of my coaching clients will sign on to work with me to plan, strategize, and leverage their business acumen to achieve promising results. And many times, we land upon the concerns in their hearts – those priorities that are most important to them - that have nothing to do with the bottom line. It is a blending of head and heart - whole-picture thinking - that brings true desired results.

Today, from a 20/20 vantage point, I believe that “either/or” thinking of head or heart, right brain or left brain, can misguide us. In my three different Psychology classes at Ringling College of Art and Design, we examine not just the brain, but what is inside our heads and hearts - what is behind our beliefs and actions. What combination of cognition, emotion, and behavior drives us? What can we identify as the inspiration in our choices and decisions?

We are not quite sure of the exact impetus for the inspiration for Geoff to find me this past Spring, yet somewhere in the equation there must be sprinkles of trust and faith. This past summer, my college sweetheart joined me with my children and extended family in Wisconsin; it had been 32 years since Geoff had visited me there. When I introduced him to my ex-husband, my ex-husband said the words that inspired the title of this newsletter: “Wow! You’ve come full circle.” Indeed we have. On Sunday of this week, after a 32 year hiatus, Geoff and I became engaged.

We need to be able to cultivate the symmetry, synchronicity, and seamlessness of thinking, feeling and doing. Having trust and faith in the fusion of head and heart needs to be a continuous circle…in all of our relationships, not just with our soulmates.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Coming Face-to-Face with Social Grace

2010-09-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

September 10th, 2010

“Many people believe that marketing is just about advertising or sales. However, marketing is everything a company does to acquire customers and maintain a relationship with them.” ("marketing." Investopedia.com. Investopedia Inc. 06 Sep. 2009.)

What do you do to acquire and maintain relationships? One of my Midwestern big city coaching clients, whom I’ll call Meredith, recently mentioned something in passing that caught my attention. In the large corporate office in which she works, she is fairly well connected. An acquaintance of hers, (I’ll call her, Gwen,) asked for a favor: could Meredith get her a face-to-face with one of the decision makers in her office. Without hesitation, Meredith agreed.

Meredith sent emails asking her two different co-workers (also managers) to see her “friend.” The two managers agreed because Meredith is, well, Meredith. She breathes and oozes social grace: of her friends, co-workers and colleagues, she listens, asks questions, and is so mindful and genuinely engaged in their conversation, she never has trouble remembering those personal nuggets that people share with us every day.

These are personal thoughts that occupy the minds of our friends, family, co-workers, and colleagues. To the mail room clerk: “How was your brother’s wedding this past weekend?” To the receptionist in the large building in which she works: “I thought of you on my run this morning; how did you like the new running club you joined?” To her client because the waitstaff was busy: “May I clear these dishes away so they do not interfere with the presentation you have?” To her neighbor walking the dog: “How did your Father’s surgery go yesterday?”

While Gwen’s favor may seem benign on the surface, I remembered that Meredith had helped this same acquaintance, Gwen, twice before, and she has not seen nor heard from her since the last two face-to-face opportunities which Meredith had set up.

It got me to thinking about how quickly the acquaintance had surged from someone-whom-I-sort-of-know- to “my friend.” In this overwhelming day of job purging, I was surprised by Meredith’s cavalier attitude toward her acquaintance/friend, and when I asked her as gently as I could during one of our coaching sessions, what the other woman had given back to her, she became somewhat defensive.

Meredith quickly rushed to explain that she really didn’t spend “that much time,” emailing the two co-workers, following up with phone calls to all three people, meeting the acquaintance at the door, making introductions, and meeting the acquaintance for a follow up after her face-to-face with the co-workers. “Really?” I softly mused. Gwen had offered a perfunctory verbal thank you to the two managers; that was the extent of Gwen’s acknowledgment of three people’s time and effort in their singular focus on Gwen.

Meredith explained that she had already planned to thank her two managers with 2 gift cards, ($ out of her pocket,) because of one of two things: either Gwen was absent from school when the Golden Rule was modeled or she doesn’t care. Helping people is Meredith’s M.O.: she flourishes in this arena. Gwen, on the other hand, is someone who is unable to connect the dots from being a giver and modeling the Golden Rule, to the interview process she aggressively pursues today.

As someone who has been at the sales and marketing table for 19 years, I know that nurturing mindful marketing relationships doesn’t work Gwen’s way. Marketing is about relationships, and one need not be a Harvard MBA Marketing grad to understand this. It’s all about social grace, and I believe, it is a must for mindful marketing and engagement in our relationships. And, it usually starts at home when you first heard your mother tell you to “be nice,” or, “Try walking in so-and-so’s shoes.”

Don’t get me wrong. I am totally in favor of offering a leg up whenever someone is in need, yet the current day of entitlement in some, has me concerned. What Meredith did was fine. The fact that she did it three times for the same person without so much as a follow up thank you is what I find so remarkable. Unless social grace enters the work space in an authentic and other-oriented way, getting a face-to-face with a would-be employer is not going to happen any time soon. Or it least, it shouldn’t.

As for a meaningful and genuine acknowledgment when someone has gotten us a face-to-face interview, one need not have to pay it forward in monetary terms in the way that Meredith did. In the Trifecta of Social media, this translates as a retweet, a colleague’s shout out or post on facebook, or a discussion topic prompt or helpful comment to our virtual colleagues on Linked in.

In our correspondences and non-virtual gatherings, it is a personal hand-written letter (a dying art that my dear friend, Suzanne, so successfully uses), a non-related work question (not, “What can you do for me?”) Rather, “How is your son enjoying his first year at Dartmouth?”, and a phone call or voice message saying, “I thought of you today because you said you were doing some remodeling and I have the name of a great contractor.”

This is social grace in the workplace. This is mindful marketing. And this is essential. If you didn’t learn it at home from your mother, go grab it now.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Revisiting Mr. Rogers and Mr. Rogers

2010-09-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

September 3rd, 2010

Whether it was with King Friday, Lady Elaine Fairchilde or Mr. McFeely, no Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was ever complete without the psychodrama of some of the make believe puppets and characters. Lady Elaine, the low self-esteemed gal who was somewhat of a trickster, kept the king in line whenever he became too stubborn or self-righteous. Mr McFeely, the ever present dependent delivery man, consistently announced himself with the words: “Special Delivery.” It wasn’t JUST the deliveries that were special; it was every viewer who ever watched Fred Rogers on PBS.

In my three different Psychology classes at Ringling College of Art and Design, no semester would be complete without the other Mr. Rogers. Carl Rogers is the same kind of guy: a humanistic psychologist who is known for his “person-centered” or “client-centered” approach to therapy. Rogers’ belief was that empathy was the cornerstone of our human growth and development: acceptance of others, high regard, and empathy, all are necessary for our human existence. ‘Sounds like Fred and Carl Rogers shared more than a common surname.

Imagine in our interpersonal relationships - our families, our work life, and our already client-centered focus with our art therapy clients - if we consistently adopted either of Mr. Rogers’ empathic attributes!

Dan Pink, in his book, A Whole New Mind, maintains that, like the two Mr. Rogers, empathy is the key element in our successful relationships. Pink says: “Empathy…it’s an ethic for living. It’s a means of understanding other human beings. Empathy makes us human. Empathy brings joy. Empathy is an essential part of living a life of meaning.”

While empathy is indeed important, Pink notes that the logical, linear structured part of our brain is also part of the picture. He offers that we need to be both attached (empathic), and detached (systematized.) If you are reading this newsletter and are interactive on the computer, you are already engaging your left hemisphere. How does this play out when we are with our clients? Fortunately, if we are in the creative field – and we are ALL creative beings – we have shrewd observational skills. This means that we already know that body language, intonation, and micro-expressions make up for the evidenced-based and non-verbalized 93% of what we are communicating. How can we use our observational skills to enhance our empathic ones?

With the external stimuli all around, it is sometimes difficult to keep our observational antennae tuned in all the time. By understanding the importance of looking at the person, our client or group - making it our business to know what we can about them - we become mindfully Rogerian –other-focused. When we first observe and empathize, we will enhance and deepen our interpersonal relationships .

If we stepped into either of Mr. Rogers’ shoes, (and flipped it up in the air from one hand to the next, as Mr. Rogers did at the end of his neighborhood show), we would be scanning everything about the person to find out how we could become his neighbor, how we could discern the uniqueness about him/her. How is the client’s posture when sitting with you? How does she hold the brush, the pencil, the paper?

In my 5 year work with Alzheimer’s and dementia clients, I can discern quite a bit about a client. When I asked a caregiver if my client had been an accountant, the response I received was utter surprise: “How could you have known that?” My 86-year-old client used watercolor to paint with her dominant hand; she used only her index finger on her other hand to mark and measure her place on the page. The seemingly rote movement (perhaps stored deep in her memory on a cellular level) was a possible indication that she was someone who had traditionally worked with columns and numbers in a ledger book of some sort. By putting myself back in a non-digital era – the era in which my client had lived life fully – I could be sensitive to her world - past and present.

Empathy, Dan Pink style, brings us a life of rich meaning. Empathy, Mr. Rogers-style, is completely client focused and other-focused. While we do not need to wear a red cardigan and tell our clients that they are special, we do need to consider showing them.

Empathically Yours,

Poppy

Full Sail

2010-08-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

8/27/2010

Figuratively speaking, I didn’t even know how to spell ‘sailing,’ much less, spinnaker. Until a few weeks ago, I had never even BEEN on a sailboat. So when I went sailing with my dearest friend and “crewed” a RACE for the FIRST time in my life a few weeks ago, I was nervous. Crewing for a lifelong sailor and a person used to winning regattas all over the planet, I recognized that I had ample cause for concern.

The sailing terminology, alone - which one could easily argue is a contender for fluency in a foreign language - like Mandarin - (not Spanish) – had all of my brain neurons operating on full cylinders. Learning a new language in the midst of an intense competition was a bit – no, really – frightening; and the very real possibility of my completely screwing up for my partner had both my body (think: hiking), and my mind, on edge. While I love water and have a jubilant regard for it, the fear of poor performance on my part, at first, capsized my spirit.

I was guided to look for, and get a feel for, many things: other boats that I spot through the viewfinder in the jib. (Prior to a few weeks ago, a “jib” was a crumb or morsel left on the floor for my dog to discover.) I was taught to scan the elements with my eyes, ears, and body: to see and feel the wind, as it grazes a nebulous kiss over the water, and then, quickly, notice the ever-so-slight altering of the color value of the water. I kept an ever-watchful eye on the tell-tales (2 little steamers that indicate air flow over the sail) to be certain that they were flying in sync. I began to grasp the at-the-right-moment-intuitive sense of when to tack, when to hike, and this - without verbal cues or directives - warmed my heart. These were but a couple of the dozens of cues that a veteran inherently knows, and to which I had just been exposed.

Other than using time to begin the race, time became timeless. We were one with our experience: mindful, focused, and aware. My partner/skipper was gracious not to overwhelm me with the experience; we did not sail the spinnaker during the race. We did, however, take a leisurely, and still educational sail, with spinnaker, after the race was finished. During the race, I was taught to sail “wing and wing” with the jib; essentially, the next-best thing to what the “all-and-powerful-Oz–spinnaker” would have done on our downwind run.

At one point, my partner coached me by saying: “Hard-a-lee,” to which I merely smiled since I was already heartily engaged in the experience. I quickly realized an explanation was offered - a directive that actually DID something: put the tiller down toward the leeward side of boat. (Even the unphonetic pronunciation of “lee ward” - not like a man’s first and last name, but rather like the Louvre – “lourhhd,” adds to the complexity of the language.)

In spite of all my self-doubt in performance; in spite of all of the angst in my gut, this first time sailing a race, was one of the most meaningful and present experiences of my life. I loved it. To the point of joyous tears. The time-stands-still-full sail evoked a powerful heart-tug for me: I had to gulp back the emotional beauty of the experience. Aside from the obvious - that I had a brilliant, compassionate, and exceptionally patient, Skipper, the sailboat – a Flying Scot – had a rich and tender legacy that served to completely immerse my experience into a seamless mind, body, heart, and spirit, synchronicity.

To be that focused with a heartfelt intensity in my soul, got me to thinking about the Coach Poppy newsletter. What if we totally immersed ourselves into all of our interpersonal relations with the mindful posture of a sailor? My initial doubt and anxious fear served as an intense catalyst for not only focusing my mind, yet also for the desire to be a strong performer. Consider, rethinking our anxiousness – like weather helm - (a sailboat’s tendency to steer into the wind) – that we all sometimes feel. Let’s trim our sails of “angst” to lead the race to the weather mark, come about when need be, and ultimately win the race.

The extreme attentiveness I gave to this completely foreign arena is what I am implying: if we give our complete mindfulness to our work, our colleagues, our families, rituals and routines, imagine the Full Sail vibrancy of our lives.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Go to Your Room with a View

2010-08-20T12:56:00.000-07:00

August 20, 2010

Seth Godin inspires me. A lot. He makes the Pollyanna-like positivity in me, stand on its head. I read Seth’s blog several days ago and have had repeated occasions this week alone, where life experiences have completely illustrated his position: without a doubt - no question about it - we choose exactly the feelings we want to feel.

This brilliant inspirer provides the edgy comment that: “…more often than not, we encounter fear or aggravation or delight because we seek it out, not because it’s thrust on us.” So, even if I think I am feeling swell, I can consciously or subliminally, CHOOSE to feel crummy? Yes.

Seth believes that: “The states of your emotions (your moods and passions) are like rooms in a house.” He maintains that we make choices when we go there. We consciously choose to feel joy or sadness just as we choose to go into the family room, sit on the couch, and watch our flat screen TV. This makes some of us uncomfortable: this notion that we are completely, 100% in charge of our emotions; that somehow there is not an emotional autopilot switch over which we have no jurisdiction.

Fellow Psychology Today colleague, Dr. Srikumar Rao, maintains that mere positive thinking, the-putting-on-a-happy-face mantra, will only get us so far. Dr. Rao suggests that positive thinking can actually hinder us, and while that is a controversial thought – like attacking “motherhood or apple pie -” he prompts us to examine our labeling of “bad” things that we perceive.

And like most Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to some mindful thinking about how we might allow ourselves – often by default thinking – to pre-package our daily experiences with good and bad labels. I am reminded of the time 6 years ago when I was working with a social service agency in the Gulf Coast of Florida, as a counselor for at-risk teens. I enjoyed this work immensely and when knee surgery came about abruptly, due to a small: I-played-a-lot-of-tennis-and-there-is-a-piece-of-my-femur floating into my knee, I had to take leave.

The position needed to be filled immediately. While I lamented for a total of about 7 minutes over the loss of working with the adolescent population – and a group I had so thoroughly enjoyed - I quickly righted my thinking to embrace new and unforeseen possibilities. There would be new opportunities and relationships to forge. I put on a new label.

And there were. And there are. What if I hadn’t sought out the “good” labels? I would have spent a lot of time in a room without a view. Seth offers: “…you realize that there are some rooms you’re spending way too much time in, that these choices are taking away from your productivity or your happiness. Every time you go to that room you short-circuit the gifts you give to the rest of the team.”

How we label, package and perceive our daily interchanges have everything to do with the quality and value of the experience, our “gifts” to ourselves and others, as well as our engagement in our interpersonal relations. How might we re-package, re-frame, or re-label a room without a view, so that we open the shutters in order to broaden our view, and discover a plethora of “good” labels to place on our life experiences?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Are You Tone Deaf?

2010-08-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

August 13th, 2010

About 10 years ago, I discovered that I like to sing and made the decision to take voice lessons. The sole reason I stated for this was so that people would not turn around when I sang aloud in the pew in church. My fear was that I was tone deaf. And like many self proclaimed, I-cannot-draw-a-straight-line non-artists, I imagine there was plenty of reason for concern. While I maintain that the artist is inherent in each of us - that we can all draw, music impresarios will also say that we really are not tone deaf.

But what if we are not talking about singing? What if we are talking about the way in which we communicate to one another in our work/life relations? What happens when we are tone deaf?

Many pundits have suggested that we communicate only 7% of what we say with our actual words; 35% is our body language, and a whopping 58% of what we say is in our tone. 93% of what I say is not with my words, yet in my intonation, my visual landscape, my expression. Wow.

One of the exercises I often times do with my children is this: at the height of my vocal range, I yell: “[name of child] Come here immediately!” They show up very fast, with very concerned facial expressions. I continue in a very high-pitched voice: “I just want to tell you how very, very, very…” (they are somewhat cringing at this point)…proud, I am of you.” My words really mean very little. My tonality is everything. It usually takes a few moments for the after effect of the words to settle in, and then they usually smile with relief.

It got me to some mindful thinking about how others both perceive and receive us: do they give their attention to our words or our body language? Our facial expressions or our tone? Let’s give our attention to the broad scope of relations with whom we engage, and really hear the totality of all that they have to say. I’ll be listening in church this Sunday.

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

"Nothing Happens Next. This is it." -New Yorker cartoon

2010-08-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

August 6th, 2010

A few days ago, I was in Miami presenting as a panelist at a symposium. The National Center for Creative Aging, based in DC, held the Miami event: “Creativity Matters!” to broaden awareness of developing arts programs for people with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers. One of the key points I discussed was my specialized art therapy coaching work with this population. It never ceases to amaze me how much I receive back when I am engaged with this particular group of clients.

Working with people who have memory loss, almost mandates that I have a mindful laser focus on what goes on in the here and now. I have to be present: to my client(s), to his/her body language, to micro-expressions (those “Lie to Me” facial cues and characteristics that Dr. Paul Eckman describes), and to tonality if the client is verbal. Paying attention to multiple sensory experiences is essential.

The symposium presentation got me to thinking about the crossover in the field of coaching, and why I am impassioned with coaching. It is the rich mixture of attentiveness, focus, goal orientation, results-driven, and mindfulness presence that makes for authentic and thriving relationships – no matter if the person is a professional client or colleague, a 95 year-old non-verbal individual (as pictured above), or your Uncle Ted.

For me, the fascinating part of complete presence with another is the subliminal sensory nature of total engagement. Often times, there is not a conscious thought that takes place; the feelings are under the radar. It is as if all of the body senses kick into gear, and the cognitive, thinking part of the brain (the left hemisphere), doesn’t really come into play. Instead, all senses have heightened awareness – we feel palpably and viscerally what is going on between us and the other person. We become “now.”

A while back there was a cartoon from The New Yorker: Sitting beside one another in a meditative posture, are two monks; an older and a younger one. The younger one stares expectantly at the older one, who says: "Nothing happens next. This is it."

When I am working with the Alzheimer’s and dementia clients, I am right there. I have to be. Whatever they do or say, I am in lock step with them…they guide our present experiences. It is a little bit of a dance, yet I need to let them lead.

I believe the same thing happens with our prospects; we need to allow them to choreograph our shared moments. In the photo above, my 95 year-old non-verbal client has advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. When she reached for my hand in this session, I was surprised, and even more so, when she actually began to paint with watercolor on my hand. Using her extremely well developed tactile sense, she was literally “drawing me out.” Through painting on me, she mirrored what may have been my intentions for our session: she communicated and engaged with me through touch and non-verbal gesture. There was only one sense I had when she was painting on my hand; the present moment.

When I look back on that moment, it is a reminder of the incredible reward I receive by having my clients teach me to be present. Each moment we experience when we practice “now,” is ideal; embrace these moments.

When we are with prospects or clients, resist the urge to get the order or plan what you will say next. Resist control. In what ways can we engage, touch, and be present with our prospects and clients? Being open, willing, and thoughtless, yes, thoughtless (!) to whatever each moment brings is the first step. Dan Millman, of The Peaceful Warrior fame, says that, “We cannot think of anything in the present moment.”

“There are no ordinary moments. When we begin to realize the quality of each moment is the quality of our life, we start to be more attracted to the present, than the past or the future. And the quality of our life changes. And this is the practice that brings us back to abiding in the present moment. Right here. Right now.” - Dan Millman

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

When Timing is Everything

2010-07-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

July 28th, 2010

This past weekend, the Florida State Swimming Championships were held in our state-of-the-art swimming facility here, in Sarasota. My youngest teenage daughter holds a passion for swimming, and as parent of several swimming competitors, and one who is a 20 year veteran of timing at meets, I always sign up to time at the competitions. During the timers’ meeting, the head official asked if there were any new timers; my lane partner who was new to timing, smiled and said: “Yes, but I am with an old timer.”

Last week’s Coach Poppy Newsletter gave voice to humor and teamwork, and so with humor on my mindful “old timer” brain, we approached our lane, prepared to time. I explained that we really needed to be on our toes, to stop, start, and clear our watches with speed and efficiency. “And just for fun,” I said, “Let’s see if and/or how many times we can sync our watches to the 1/100th of a second.”

For years, I always got a little thrill when the 4 or 5 numbers read exactly the same on our watches. It always felt like the purest act of synchronicity. My past record of synced moments during a meet, was 4 times: that means 4 times, my lane partner and I had the exact time on our respective watches; this feels so much better than Bingo!

This particular act of synchronicity gave me pause to consider what goes into place in order to achieve such seamless perfection: timing, yes; yet what about other elements? Does my focus matter? Does mindfulness come into play? Does agility and dexterity factor in? A competitive spirit – the “game on” or little dare of having a playful challenge? And what about desired outcomes?

And the fun timing challenge my lane partner and I set up on Sunday got me to thinking about the inspiration for the Coach Poppy newsletter. What is it about the combination of timing, focus, mindfulness, sharpened senses, desired results, and playful challenge that shape our daily experiences? When these qualities are all heightened and engaged, aren’t we unbelievably in lockstep with all that is around us? I believe we are.

Our focus, sharp senses, and mindfulness was especially essential as we were timing in one of the center lanes where the swimmers with the fastest times compete, and where one 1/100th of a second is a deal breaker between first and second place. The playful challenge and desired outcome served to soften the energy of intensity that permeated the gorgeous long course pool.

When all of our sense are heightened and locked in, imagine what we can do? On Sunday, in Lane 5, my new lane timer and I synced our watches with the exact time to the 1/100th of a second, TWELVE (12) TIMES! A dozen times, we had the precise reading on our respective watches. That’s unheard of; seemingly impossible!

Perhaps it was the excitement of a large competition, where excellence, focused individuals, and team spirit surrounded us. The atmosphere was replete with personal bests from all over, so maybe the air was filled with incredible possibilities, and in addition to the chlorinated water that continually drenched us, some of the magic of timing and synchronicity also sprinkled around us.

What can we do in the next week to blow our perceived capabilities out of the water? More importantly, let me hear from you: what can we do to line up a seamless blend of mindfulness, focus, and a shoot-for-the-moon intention, in the hopes that we achieve our personal best time?

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

The White Space in a Zen Spin

2010-07-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

July 21st, 2010

Imagine my surprise today when I went into the indoor cycling class and discovered our favorite instructor speaking in quiet, monotone sounds. When Charlie Campbell offers an endurance class where he focuses on breath work and speaks meditatively throughout the class, I am in a state of bliss. Almost two years ago, he approached me and said he had thought of me when he had an idea for an endurance class: something quiet, mindful and focused. “You mean like a ‘Zen ride?” I inquired? He nodded and knowing that we were speaking the language of mindfulness, I was completely on board.

Charlie first suggested this morning that we silence the inner critic. He spoke about the “white space,” to which we all have access; the space that is not just reserved for athletes. White space is noiseless; chatter-free, distraction-empty. All is tuned out as we are tuned in.

Yesterday I was off my game. Way off. For a person for whom positivity is a daily goal, I couldn’t find white space to save my life. Talking with a loved one last evening was really helpful in that I was able to let some of the inner critic chatter dissipate. Allowing myself to be OK with that noise, the restlessness, the resistance I felt internally, was instrumental to acceptance and going to bed to start the day anew. When I awoke this morning, I still felt the disquiet, yet still went to the gym at 5:30. And it was this action – and the acceptance that the mind and body were not in sync – that paved the way for me to trust that perhaps, I wouldn’t remain in a state of resistance for very long.

So was it completely fortuitous and serendipitous that I came to THIS particular class? This “Zen Ride,” on this day, when the last time I was in a Charlie Zen class was over five months ago? When I came down the hall and turned the corner into the room, I literally froze. That’s when I noticed an immediate attitudinal overhaul. That whole mind, body, spirit thing completely shifted for me.

After observing this obvious disparity in my own internal workings, I wondered about the disquiet, the distractions, and how the lack of white noise in our daily lives contributes to our interactions with others. And it got me to thinking about this newsletter: what are some of the things we can do to right our emotional status? For me, it was a fearless allowance and acceptance of the disquiet that led to the rather quick turnaround. It was also the action and implementation of a routine – (going to the gym) – that led to the wonderful surprise: a “Zen Ride.”

Had I given in to the restlessness, I would have missed a magical time, and an experience that has completely shaped my day in positivity. My interactions with colleagues, co-workers, clients, and personal friends, was very different than I might have thought they would be a day ago. Prior to starting our day and interacting with others, what can we do to check in with our internal workings to find out if we are able to find white space?

Just for Laughs…

2010-07-15T07:00:00.001-07:00

July 15th, 2010

Patty and Ron are one of the neatest couples I know. Some might think that they live clichés by finishing one another’s sentences and thoughts, as well as embracing every moment to “check in” with one another. So attuned and in tune, with one another, they move with fluid ease and are like the twins, Sam and Eric - “Samneric” from Lord of the Flies: the two who are so connected, they just share a run-on name. “Pattynron.” As I spent some time with them this week, I observed the ease and tenderness with which they treat one another, and like most…no…ALL…Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to thinking about two of the secret ingredients in their lovely and loving relationship. Laughter and Teamwork.

I don’t know about you, yet the simple and routine tasks we do at our home before we start the day usually do not bring a huge smile to my face, much less laughter. Yet, laughter is indeed what jump starts their day. Living in an impeccable home, with only the finest of furnishings - where everything is in its place and each furniture covering and tassled pillow has a unique geographical story origin – I smiled when they shared that they let a few days go by without making their bed in the morning. This would not be like rumpled sheets and bedding…this means that the bedding is military style tucked and fitted; only the taffeta and lace pillows from Aix en Provence were not atop of the Louis XIV-style bedspread for a few days!

Instead of saying to his spouse of 26 years: “Aren’t you ever going to make the bed?” Ron collaboratively said: “Just for laughs…what do you say we make the bed today?” Do you feel the incredible difference in these sentences? The “just for laughs” prompted them to laugh deliriously to the point where they both had tears of laughter streaming from their eyes due to the sheer ridiculous nature of the question. So making a bed can be apparently be fun…who knew?

Not only did the humor create a rather intimate sharing of laughter, it was the collaborative and gentle manner in which the question was asked. No criticism. No pointing fingers. No testiness. Only a team-oriented approach lined with gentle humor. Pattynron are figuratively and literally the “home team.” THIS is what got me to thinking about our work/life relationships. How can we mindfully infuse humor and collaboration into all of our relations? How might we intertwine the two hemispheres of our brain – the reasonable with the creative – to maximize our interpersonal engagements?

William James offers this: “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”

As I watched the first round recap of the golf from St Andrews this morning I thought about individual achievement, and while it’s somewhat comforting to wish for an individual triumph, there is nothing like a team win, to really get me jazzed.

Next month football season begins. As a lifelong Green Bay Packer fan, I am psyched to not only cheer on the teams, but to share in the watching of the games with my Dad in the comfort of our homes, rather than the frozen tundra or the -43 degree wind chill at the Milwaukee stadium, where Vince Lombardi would regally stand in his dress coat and hat. The team spirit that I felt as a kid is still present today, and I believe the cornerstone of all of our relations.

Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” – Vince Lombardi

Whether it is laughing inspiration from Pattynron or Vince Lombardi, just for laughs, see what we can do today to bring levity to something significant and meaningful to the home team.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

What/Who Will You Celebrate?

2010-07-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

July 7th, 2010

Breaking from the Coach Poppy newsletter protocol from delivering the newsletter to your inbox on Wednesday, last week, I sent it out on Friday, my birthday. In my family, we honor and celebrate birthdays in a big way, even labeling birthdays “national holidays.” And while the Fourth of July serendipitously follows my birthday with a figurative and literal bang, we allow birthdays to linger in a celebratory mode for a minimum of a week.

What this does is lay the foundation for carrying positive spirit and joy around for 1 week – 7 days, or 168 hours. Can you imagine 168 hours of feeling joy? We can do this simply by carrying this intention around with us to every encounter we have with all species!

First there is the anticipatory build up of a birthday, and this year was no exception. I had a party here on Friday night, replete with all of the festivity I could muster. And while we love to celebrate birthdays with gusto, I couldn’t help but notice that the beautiful part of the evening was that all of the guests were equally in joyous spirits. How did that happen? Was there something in the water, or rather the wine? The festivity and high energy in my home was palpable in a very obvious way.

And like most Coach Poppy newsletters, it got me to thinking about two things: expectation and intention. Brian Tracy says that: “Your attitude is an expression of your values, beliefs and expectations.” Not only did I expect to have a great time at the party, I expected it. What surprised me though, was that all of the guests also seemed to have a good time. There was festivity and celebration in the air that we ALL created.

William Foster says: “ Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.” Make no mistake: my intention was to have a blast – I was so filled with love and appreciation for the guests who shared in the evening.

What if we went into our Tuesday morning staff meetings with a cooperative, celebratory intention? What if we let go of old issues that are conflict-bearing in our relationships? What if we approached a stranger on the street with the mindfulness of joy and serving, rather than passive avoidance?

This past weekend, I headed towards Tampa and took the Tollway. How many of us greet - and actually LOOK at the person in the tollbooth as we pass through? I have so enjoyed greeting by name the person in the toll, and if there are no cars behind me, I will strike up a conversation. The smile I receive is a lovely gift. It truly sets the intention of joy for the rest of the day.

As someone who is demonstrative and enjoys giving affection, it was a fun surprise when someone grabbed my camera to take a picture of two dear friends giving me a birthday kiss. I did not expect that. I did, however, expect - and intend - to enjoy and celebrate my friendships.

Next time you pass through a toll, the el, the subway, the short or long term airport parking station, consider a mindful pause and greet the first person you see as you gain passage. What might be your expectation and intention? What expectations and intentions can you celebrate with colleagues, co-workers and loved ones?

As I mentioned last week, for the entire month of July, my birthday gift to celebrate you, is to offer you a free Coach Poppy 20 minute consultation. Please contact me so we can set forth our intentions to celebrate the best of you!

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

It’s My Birthday: YTB

2010-07-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

July 2, 2010

My favorite part of having a birthday is the giving of gifts. The sharing of the day on which one is born is a celebration, and for those of you who know me, you know that I look for as many opportunities as possible for a celebration. The gift giving about which I am talking is not the gifts I might receive, yet rather, the gifts that I give to those who share in celebration.

My dear childhood friend who makes the most unbelievable chocolate and English Toffee, sent me a UPS overnight box of chocolates, and other than Forrest Gump, there may not be anyone who likes chocolate more then I. Her gift to me was the chocolates that I will share with my 20-some guests tonight who will celebrate my Birthday with me. The “YTB” that is on the personalized party favor is my acronym for her: “You’re the Best.” She, in turn, sent it back to me.

Imagine my surprise when I received my office mail and saw a package from her! I knew there would be chocolates in there, yet I did not know that the favors would be personalized! Tears welled in my eyes as I felt so touched by her lovely gesture. And like most Coach Poppy newsletters it got me to some mindful thinking: what gestures can we do – can we give back – to those who give to us in personalized ways?

What are the ways in which we can look at those with whom we engage in our work/life and say to them: “You’re the Best?” And I do not say this lightly, as being the best at caring, loving, or giving is an extremely well cherished commodity!

To all of you who have been reading Marketing Mindfulness Newsletters and now Coach Poppy newsletters, it is my desire to thank you, to appreciate you, to give back to you. For the month of July, I am offering you a free 20 minute coaching consultation to you. Sometimes we just need a tune up – someone to help us recognize those aspects of ourselves that showcase our best. If in your work, or in your life, you would like a more defined purpose, a re-tweaking, a slight modification in the status of your well-being, then please contact me for a free 20 minute work/life coaching session.

It’s on me. You would actually be ADDING to my birthday by sharing your purposeful goals and desires. Let’s rediscover together, all the ways in which You’re the Best.” Then watch how you’ll flourish in the world.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

“Scientific Legs: Choosing Positivity”

2010-06-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

June 23, 2010

“Just as night-vision goggles amplify starlight, enabling you to see in darkness, … positivity gives you a set of lenses that amplify and multiply the goodness in your life, enabling you to flourish.” –Barbara Fredrickson, 2009.

Last summer, I had the opportunity to talk with Barbara Fredrickson at the First World Congress of Positive Psychology. She presented on her book; I presented an informal round table discussion on positive psychology and art therapy.

In reading colleague, Barbara Fredrickson’s exceptional book, “Positivity,” I was intrigued with one of her goals: to give positivity “scientific legs.” Fredrickson offers 6 scientific facts that underscore positivity: 1) Positivity Feels Good. 2) Positivity Broadens Minds. 3) Positivity Builds Resources. 4) Positivity Fuels Resilience. 5) Positivity Ratios Above 3 to 1 Forecast Flourishing. 6) People can Raise Their Positivity Ratios.

Like many Coach Poppy newsletters, Fredrickson’s work got me to thinking: Is it enough just to be positive…to put on a happy face? Not really. And how does one measure one’s happiness quotient? We live in a “prove-it-to-me” society; our Western culture especially, wants the facts, the proof, that one can truly measure happiness.

My question is this: Do we need a quantifiable unit of measure to confirm and validate the powerful sensory data that we experience in our interrelations with others? Do we need to have proven scientific data that tells us when we are angry, frustrated, or saddened? I think not. We are all very astute in picking up the visible cues in our micro-expressions and body language that communicate those emotions. To me, it appears that we readily recognize, identify, and possibly even accept, the negative emotions that are conveyed, yet when we come face to face with happiness, we become a Doubting Thomas.

Have you ever wondered why negativity is sometimes a default lifestyle, why it is so easy to get emotionally off track? Many will point to the media, to wars, to social injustices, yet it really comes down to our choice, our own decision as to whether or not we are positive – we are happy. And often times, this is a hard choice because so many of our interactions are replete with negativity and toxic stuff!

When we have conflict in our work/life relationships, and we focus on that conflict, what happens? Usually the conflict plays a prominent role in how we interact with everyone throughout the day/week. Our professional and personal lives are affected. What if we focused instead on Fredrickson’s first fact: Feeling Good? What if we were to take that conflict and turn it upside down, and look at it with positive eyes, with understanding eyes, with eyes of humanity?

If we take mindful action to make certain that we remain on sure (positivity) footing, I believe we will be successful. Putting on a happy face when we are feeling despondent or angry is too much of a leap. We need to do a couple of things first. It is not easy the first few times, but when we continue with a daily intake of choosing to feel good, it becomes rote. In particularly challenging work relations, I literally and figuratively do 3 things: 1) step back, 2) breathe, and 3) shift my attention to feeling good.

The magic is in # 3. The conscious decision to feel good trumps all. Negativity melts away; our positivity ratio is 9 or 10, and we do not need a psychologist, or a neuro-scientist to tell us that all is right in our world. Pick # 3 and let me know how it works for you!

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

The “Give and Give” of Soul Giving

2010-06-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

June 16th, 2010

“Soul giving: giving without any condition, and even in anonymity.” – T. B. Karasu

In T. Byram Karasu’s Psychology Today article titled “Soul Giving,” Dr. Karasu offers: “The act of giving may be related to two interconnected sources, according to the distinction Joel Kovel makes in his book History and Spirit: Egoic giving and soul giving. Egoic giving is giving in order to get specific gains of prestige, praise, admiration, immortality; it is setting conditions for giving. In contrast, soulful giving is free from the burden of conditions and expectations.”

Earlier this week, I heard someone remark on the give and take in relationships, and like all Coach Poppy newsletter inspirations, it got me to thinking about not the give and take in relationships, but the “give and give” in relationships. I stumbled across Dr. Karasu’s article and my interest was piqued by his term of “soul giving.” When we give without hesitation, without the expectation that there will be a chit in one’s pocket to redeem for an equivalent gift or favor, we give from the heart. That is a soulful gift.

As a member of The Luxury Marketing Council of Florida, we are often treated to high end presentations and guidance from luxury corporations and organizations. One such business member is the Ritz Hotel in Sarasota. Every morning between 7 and 8 am, the entire staff meets to discuss the arrivals and departures of all the guests, their specific accommodation and food preferences and desires, and the mandated memorized names and faces of all of the guests, their family members, as well as, their pets. It does not surprise me that The Ritz Hotel does this “give and give,” yet I was taken by surprise last weekend by the give and give I experienced in my local grocery store.

This past weekend, I entered the grocery lane at Publix where Jane, the check out lady, and Theo, the bagger were set up. As I began to place the items on the belt, I neglected (forgot) to say that I wanted paper. (I had also forgotten my recycled bags at home.) I pushed the cart forward and for the first time when I looked up, I was just about to blurt out that I wanted paper. That’s when I noticed that Theo was already on my THIRD PAPER bag. I have only been in Theo’s lane a half a dozen times, and he quietly said: “I remember that you prefer paper.” I cringed and asked Jane and Theo: “Do you remember that I use paper because I was a pain in the neck about it?” Phew. They both smiled and said, “No, not at all; you are always nice.” (I KNOW that I am not always nice and my teens can surely attest to that.) I was completely awed and impressed by their customer attentiveness and Ritz-like service. A manager walked by and I stopped her and shared my wonderful experience of/with these two employees.

It was noted by the manager, and whatever praise or bonus might be in their future, well, that is just gravy. Because here’s the thing: Jane and Theo would have behaved this way ANYWAY, without the acknowledgment, and maybe even without my noticing that they were on their toes in the first place. I might have just as easily been occupied with what I was doing next. I was thankful that I took note to discover that Jane and Theo are soul givers, not egoic givers.

What can we do today- this week- to be soul givers in our personal and professional relations and in the workplace? What can we do to pay attention to all those around us, so that we can notice when someone is present to us? If your spirit and soul are mindfully lined up, it won’t be at all difficult to find yourself in an authentic “give and give” experience.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Serendipity: Are You a 10?

2010-06-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

June 9th, 2010

“In the fields of observation, chance favors only the prepared mind.” Louis Pasteur.

Whether it was Christopher Columbus on his way to India (and we know where he ended up), US Navy engineer and Slinky inventor, Richard T. James, who, while working with torsion springs, observed the motion of the spring as it fell from his table, or Chocolate Chip Cookie creator, Ruth Wakefield, who intended to make chocolate drop cookies, and resorted to putting broken chocolate pieces in her cookies (because that is all she had), these people all had one thing in common in their respective serendipitous discoveries: an open observational mind.

As a coach, an artist, and art therapist, chance discoveries and serendipitous happenstance are part of the creative art process; mini inventions take place all the time. Ask any student of mine and they will tell you that music to my ears is when in front of the canvas, he/she says: “I have no idea what I am doing.” This is synonymous with an open mind. We WANT to bypass the thinking/logical/rational brain and allow the creative/intuitive/imaginative brain to fully emerge, unfiltered, uncensored. In art therapy sessions, the unrestricted image will always reveal profound insights to the creator. It is serendipitous law.

Many people will dismiss serendipity as coincidence; many feel uncomfortable with experiences that are not clearly and logically explained. And there are some who acknowledge that things happen for a reason or that they were in the right place at the right time. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being completely open, consider taking a moment to reflect on where you stand on your openness to serendipity.

Ben Fletcher, a University of Hertfordshire psychologist, suggests we: “Do something different,” to break behavioral patterns that have kept us from being open to possibilities. “People’s lives can be absolutely transformed by being nudged along a slightly altered route,” Fletcher says. In this month’s Psychology Today, contributing writer, Rebecca Webber prompts us to check in with our mood. Researchers at the University of Toronto found evidenced based proof “that people in good moods actually take in more visual information, while those in bad moods don’t see as much around them.”

When our minds are occupied with workplace struggles, burdens, or unemployment, we so limit the opportunities in front of us. We angst about not getting a call back from a desired employment opportunity, and that angst festers and erodes our ability to attend the next networking event, to make the next call to a prospective organization, or to spend some time networking on social media. Fletcher concedes: “Most successful business people are also failed business people. The key factor is that they go after fortuitous moments, and they are not put off by failure once or twice.”

Last June, I met colleague and “The How of Happiness” author, Sonja Lyubomirsky at the International Positive Psychology First World Congress. Sonja says: “Sometimes there is a short-term cost, in terms of your resources or time or stress…but you get a long term benefit.” Another fellow Positive Psychology colleague, Todd Kashdan, author of a great book: “Curious,” says that as we age, we become rigid thinkers, whereas, “People in their teens and 20’s tend to be open because they are discovering who they are as a person.”

As a College Psychology professor and Career Coach who works with my growing specialty with the 20-somethings, who are just entering the marketplace, I see firsthand the willingness of students and clients to be open to possibilities and opportunities. I love Shakespeare’s offering in Henry V: “All things be ready if our minds be so.”

Understanding the psychology of what is behind the human thought and behavior of our “stuff” that limits us to serendipitous and fortuitous happenings, is the first step in forging remarkable lives of personal and professional well-being. Once we identify the head chatter that drowns out our intuition – be it our own monkey mind or our mother’s voice - we have an incredible availability of choices and opportunities that will literally seem to fall into our laps. I promise.

Take a mindful risk. Prepare your mind for chance. And please let me know how your experiences next week turn out for you with an openness of “10” on your mood scale. Kashdan explains: “If we wait until all negative emotions disappear, we’re never going to go anywhere.” And as the beloved and playful Dr. Seuss might say, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.”

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Your Wildest Dreams

2010-06-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_3oT1Up8o&feature=related

June 2, 2010

Intuition. Gut feel. Inner Knowing. We ALL have it. Yet so often, we dismiss that very real, very clear sense that we feel physiologically, as mere nonsense. It might not make rational sense. It isn’t logical, and so we cast it aside.

This first week in June publication is the first newsletter that will be under Coach Poppy; Marketing Mindfulness has evolved and fused with Coach Poppy. This obvious transition came to me in a very visceral, intuitive sense first; then intellectually – logically. The inner desire I had to embrace authenticity, simplicity, and effortlessness, was a powerful catalyst that gave voice to meeting my client’s needs head on. Listening, looking, observing, and sensing what another desires, is what our businesses and relations are all about: it’s about the other.

Over the past year that you have received Marketing Mindfulness Moments, my Career Coaching business, Coach Poppy, has streamlined its focus to concentrate on those who are newly emerging into the marketplace. With the same principles of mindfulness, marketing and adaptability in tow, the Coach Poppy newsletter will continue to address your current queries, concerns and the topics that come up for you. It is all about you.

With this in mind, several of the Marketing Mindfulness subscribers hinted that I might address workplace “struggle vs. ease.” There are really two schools of thought: the Dale Carnegie’s will say that work life is fraught with challenges, struggles and really hard effort. They will say “no pain, no gain.” The mindfulness-oriented will say that work life is seamless, easy, and effortless. Our work life and interrelations will flow from one sequential step to another, and like the man on the flying trapeze, it will be with invisible ease.

I am sure there is no question that I embrace the latter of the two schools, although, I believe I would not – nor COULD not, embrace mindfulness if I hadn’t first evolved from the previous sales and marketing model! Whenever we push, whenever we struggle, whenever we resist, we make miniscule progress. Desire is born from that limited progress to have ease, to feel good about our lives. Yet, when we embrace an openness to adapt and accept, (both ourselves and others), we are totally open to enormous possibilities; even those “in-your-wildest-dreams” possibilities.

So often, I hear clients dwell on their struggles to find promising work in today’s marketplace. When we dwell there, we struggle further, and limit the lens of opportunities. Fortuitous moments and serendipity evaporate. On the flip side, try being mindfully open; be easy. Then watch how serendipity and the next effortless moment and event literally fall into place. You do not have to do anything. Just being open, just being easy, just being resistant-free, will completely open the floodgates of possibilities.

Just for a moment, think about what you might consider evolving, adapting, modifying, that could be a real game changer in your life; that could bring about a life of ease and effortlessness?

Think big.

Bigger still.

In order to think big, we need to tap into our gut instincts, our intuition, and the source of our inherent creativity. (And yes, we are ALL inherent creativity masters!) With the realization that I might be dating myself, the above link from the Moody Blues was the basis for this week’s fusion of Marketing Mindfulness with the inaugural Coach poppy Newsletter. Have a listen, and see if you too, will be inspired to access your wildest dreams.

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

Do Overs: Seth Godin Inspires Me

2010-05-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

May 27, 2010

Seth Godin inspires me. When I first got my Kindle three years ago, one of the first books I downloaded (in less than 30 seconds!) was Purple Cow, by Seth Godin. Of course the book title taunted my curiosity, and I became a Seth Godin follower on the spot. As I was reading Seth’s blog recently, where he writes of his book, All Marketers are Liars, I discovered that the “Wizard of Marketing,” (as I call him) is constantly attuned to his audience. Not only is he tuned in to them, he adjusts his work and passion – even changing his popular book title - to appropriately suit them. When we have others’ best interests at heart – and I mean “at heart” in a very real sense – we may very well get a do-over.

Often times we will hear people say that, “There are no second chances.” Yet if we understand the psyche of the human spirit, we know intuitively that this is not the case. We are constantly presented with opportunities to forgive, to reconsider, and to shift our vantage points.

The content of the book is phenomenal; really good stuff if you are marketing anything or anyone. Yet the book title rankled some readers and so he listened to his followers, changed the title, and added a new preface. How many of us might take the risk with over a million followers – humbly and mindfully, put our own needs, wants, and ego aside - and change the face of one of the best marketing books to date?

Using his own mantras and beliefs, Seth Godin masterfully illustrates his point that we need to recognize our shortcomings and do something about it. We need to be authentic in our marketing, and we need to tell stories. “If what you are doing matters, really matters, then I hope you’ll take the time to tell a story. A story that resonates and a story that can become true.” (Preface: All Marketers Tell Stories.) Seth explains that the cover of his original book told the story of lying; people got the story about lying. Many probably did not read the golden nuggets contained in the pages if the book, because the first “story” they saw turned them off.

What stories do we offer that might need tweaking? Seth Godin says up front: “I had failed.” Without dwelling on what we do wrong, let’s tap into our own inherent strengths and positively shift our thoughts to how we can better serve, communicate and authentically engage with others. Seth offers: “The best stories don’t teach anything new. Instead, the best stories agree with what the audience already believes and makes the members of the audience feel smart and secure when reminded how right they were in the first place.”

Let’s be inspired by Seth Godin. Let’s retrofit our stories – have a do-over if necessary - so that our audience leans into us, with the yearning that what we have to say, inspires and empowers both their world and their worldview.

Attention: Get Someone

2010-05-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

May 21, 2010

“He gets me.”

That’s what my bride-daughter said to me regarding her future husband, the day before her wedding this past Saturday and like most Marketing Mindfulness newsletters, it got me to thinking about how we “get” one another.

Several weeks ago, I had the good fortune to reconnect with a dear college friend and although we hadn’t spoken in many years, we seemed to follow one another’s conversations with seamless ease. What joy it is when we understand one another! To be understood is an incredible feeling, and one that I value as a great gift.

What goes into the understanding, “the getting,” of one another? I believe it has to do with listening, rapt attention, shrewd observational skills to pick up on subtleties, nuances, and voice intonations, as well as, a hefty dose of empathy. As “location, location, location,” is the battle cry for realtors, “attention, attention, attention,” needs to be the mantra for our personal and professional relations.

It is indeed a remarkable gesture when we listen and attend to another: our antennas are highly tuned, we have no other thoughts occupying our mind, we are just there – present. This was palpable at my daughter’s wedding this past weekend: the bride and groom were in lockstep in their attentiveness to one another, as well as, the guests. It was a beautiful display of oneness.

What lessons might we learn from paying attention, so that we might engage our clients and prospects in a like manner? Think back to a time when you were interacting with a client or prospect, and your entire experience was effortless. What was at play to bring that about? Attending… sincere, authentic attention.

When we attend to another, we are mindfully present. In the professional sense, our attentiveness is illustrated by our questions to the client or prospect, our genuine interest in his/her business, and our positive feedback, where we remark on the strengths and attributes that make the individual or company so great.

In the past several years, positive psychology has infused my personal and professional life; it has become a familiar mainstay in my interrelations. I made the conscious decision to commit to positivity, and at first, it was a challenge. There were many questioning voices and other negativity that threatened my resolve. Through consistent and daily mindfulness, I committed to practice conscious thought, feeling and behavior.

And although there are still times when I get off track, there are two things that bring me back around to centeredness: 1) My grateful focus on someone else, 2) the continual reaching for a positive thought. And when we are centered, our clients and prospects feel OK, valued, and welcomed. And they will be incredibly grateful that we “get” them.

If you do nothing else, look for – and genuinely appreciate - the good, the strong, the beauty in another, and I guarantee you a promising experience.

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

Purpose + People

2010-05-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

May 7, 2010

Sitting at a Marketing meeting this week, I had the opportunity to reconfirm in my own mind – and heart – what I have always known to be true: it’s people. Every member at the table nodded like a bobbling toy when we discussed our business relationships. We can talk about spread sheets, ROI, and 80/20 all we want, and if we don’t have purpose + people - (not businesses, not corporations, not organizations) -with whom we forge our relationships, our connections, our associations, our partnerships, and affiliations, then we are missing the boat.

In Daniel Pink’s new release this year: “Drive,” he speaks of purpose as one of the three legs of an inspired life; autonomy and mastery are the other two. (I happen to believe that purpose trumps the other two elements.) So often in the workplace, people are driven and motivated by other less altruistic goals. Sometimes these folks end up chasing an elusive dream, sometimes stepping on toes to push and struggle to reach the next rung, the next marker, the next promotion. Stop pushing. Stop struggling.

When we are mindfully in sync with our life purpose, we don’t even think about pushing – we ease. We glide. Ask yourself what your purpose is in life. For me, it is the service and engagement with people. If I can enrich and touch others in a meaningful way, on a daily basis, it is a great day. All of our interactions – both personal and professional – come from the same foundation: authentic purpose. People know when they are being schmoozed; they recognize insincerity; they understand politics, and they get egocentrism.

When we align our life purpose with people – serving others – we cannot help but to get back twofold. If we approached our prospects, clients, associates, neighbors, communities, with this intention, can you imagine how fortunate we would all be?

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

Coach to Coach

2010-04-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

April 22, 2010

In last year’s Marketing Mindfulness Moment, I wrote about Coach, the corporate behemoth who came out with a new product line called, “Poppy.” Below are some of the excerpts from last summer’s newsletter. Since then, I have been to many flagship Coach stores in the region, in the Midwest and in the southwest. So many managers and store representatives are surprised by my Coach Poppy’s name and brand identity. From Coach to Coach, I believe we both recognize our strengths, our DNA, and creative traits.

For those who know me, I celebrate birthdays in a big way; in fact I usually celebrate the entire month, and July, 2009 was no different. Here is what Lew Frankfort, said during his industry report last summer:

"Poppy is youthful in attitude and is proving to have broad customer appeal."

As a Certified Professional Coach, who specializes in marketing the “best of you,” I want to thank Lew for his kind words!

OK…so perhaps he wasn’t really talking about me. Lew Frankfort is the CEO of Coach, one of the most authentic makers of women’s handbags and accessories. And just one day before my Birthday, Coach launched their new Poppy line, replete with “Poppy parties” in 4 US cities. The marketing around the fresh new line asks: “ARE YOU POPPY?” Coach President Reed Krakoff and the Coach marketing wizards have done a remarkable job in engaging the Coach consumer. With a playful, colorful, and youthful promotion of the Poppy line, they have seamlessly and unexpectedly understood and applied their innovative line to both the relevance of the current market trends and the demographic knowing of social media. There are over 400,000 Coach Poppy facebook fans.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered the unexpectedness of the new Coach line actually printing the name “Coach Poppy” on the handbags and accessories! What makes Coach’s new line so remarkable to me, is that I have been a life long fan of Coach; I buy the Coach brand no matter what. So I feel a little like Rene Zellweger in the Jerry Maguire movie where she faces Tom Cruise and says: “You had me at hello.”

I will always buy Coach, and here’s the thing: when I buy Coach products, I buy the real deal. Authentic Coach. No Knockoffs. Ask a 14 year old if she can spot a fake or a real Coach wristlet. She can. And so can your friends and clients. They can spot a knockoff of you, even if they have never met you. They can tell whether you are being authentic or phony baloney.

When you are with a prospect, a would-be employer, or with Uncle Mike at the family Bar-B-Que, have your - (figuratively speaking) - marketing bag in hand. This means that you have already identified your personal branding – those qualities that identify you as unique: your assets, strengths and talents. Once you “own” these characteristics, and position yourself in an innovative and focused way, you will clearly communicate and show how to implement those strengths on the spur of the moment.

In a recent BusinessWeek video, Lew Frankfort said: “It’s essential to understand your brand’s DNA, to really understand what separates you, or your brand from others; and to ensure the types of strategies that you embark upon are consistent with the core equities of your brand.” In short, he suggests that we really give our attention to, and know what makes us tick – those inherent qualities that inspire and activate our passionate engagement in our lives – and then, showcase to the world. Every time. Everyday.

Do you have your branding DNA? One of the first steps I take as a coach with my Marketing Mindfulness clients is to have them give their focused attention to their own talents and strengths and offer me 5 adjectives that they and others would use to describe them. Often times, this is a challenge because the lines are blurred between their perception and the world’s (“other”) perception.

We need to clearly create our brand, live it, own it, breathe it; then adapt our brand to our present circumstance. Once this happens, others will recognize you, know you, and anticipate your uniqueness. Consider making the space between you, your values, and your inherent strengths seamless, and adapt you/ your brand to your current engagement every time.

Lew Frankfort maintains that those in retail need to be “more innovative, relevant, and value-oriented.” Pay attention to “you or your brand’s DNA,” and then adapt those qualities and “showcase the best of you” to the world.

Coach to Coach; that’s it.

Mindfully yours,
Poppy

P.S. BTW, I AM POPPY. I AM www.COACHPOPPY.com

Ben and Mickey: Check out the 1 Big Thing

2010-04-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

April 7, 2010

“What is the one big thing?” This was the question that Ben Turpin asked his audience at his speaking engagement last week. I met Ben on my flight a few days ago en route home to the Gulf Coast of Florida; I too, had presented to young career professionals at a coaching speaking gig in Chicago. So I asked Ben, a speaker and author, what IS the one big thing?

“Relationships.”

Of course it is relationships. And as many Marketing Mindfulness newsletters go, it got me to thinking about all relationships: personal, professional, and perhaps most important, the relationship we have with ourselves. I carried our conversation with me as I wove through the Publix grocery aisles and checkout lane the next day. I smile every time I am in Mickey’s lane; she always has a positive thing to say to each customer.

As Mickey was about to check out my items, a customer came over to her with a bouquet of flowers. At first blush, I thought he needed a bar code reading. Nope. He handed them to her saying they were for her, “just because;” then he exited the store. Wow. Mickey graciously gushed and thanked the customer, and then rang up my items.

As I watched Mickey patiently scan the 4 different brands of apples I was purchasing (for my daughter to determine which brand she preferred), I realized too late that I had placed all the apples with different bar codes in one bag.

“I am so sorry,” I blurted out. “Of course they have to be scanned separately; next time I will put them in separate bags.” Mickey said: “This is no problem. It is because of you that I have a job.” “Excuse me?” I said. She repeated: “I am fortunate to have this job; it is because of you that I am here.”

Mickey looked at me with my mouth opened. I shared with her that I coach people to mindfully pave the way for them to market themselves into meaningful careers, and mentioned that I have a growing specialization with the twentyish population. Smiling tenderly, Mickey continued: “I worry about the young people today. They have no idea what it’s like to live and work in a time of simple means.”

Maybe Mickey’s seemingly inherent expertise and ease at cultivating relationships, is the exact template (if there were such a concrete schema), one needs to follow in today’s personal and professional world.

On the plane just 18 hours before, Ben and I had a lengthy discussion on the ins and outs of building the important relationships in our lives, and I think we agreed that our interpersonal relations need to have on-going attention, a sense of immediacy, and commitment.

Clearly Mickey cultivates an atmosphere of ongoing attention and graciousness; her empathic skills are impeccable. So how do we, or CAN we “teach” ourselves about the ways to cultivate and nurture relationships?

I am guessing that one of the ways in which Ben builds relationships is with his commitment to quick follow through. If he is with a prospect, referral, or client, I believe he decides to take swift action to address the needs that surfaced during his engagement with that person. So if someone were to ask him to make a referral contact on his/her behalf, I imagine that Ben would have the phone call placed, the email sent, or the Facebook personal message posted within the hour.

I believe that the relationship we have with the self will reflect our attitudes and behaviors with others. When we mindfully scan our thoughts, feelings and actions, and tweak them as needed for other-orientedness, we will then embrace a rich bouquet of relationships; we will own the one big thing.

In Ben and Mickey’s worlds, there are no bad apples. Both Mickey and Ben put the other person first, and this is the important part: no matter whom it is. When we do the pay-it-forward behavior, we will always be rewarded in kind, and then some. Check it out.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Are You Beastly?

2010-03-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

Week of March 21, 2010

One of the advantages of having teenagers is having the opportunity to learn a pop culture language of adolescent dialects and colloquialisms. This was my experience today when my son said of his sister’s three 1st place swim championship victories: “She is beastly!”

“What?!” “Beastly?” After I got over my instant visual of my daughter as a fur-covered Chewbacca, I was “Don’t-worry-mommed.” They explained that beastly is synonymous with: awesome, great, pro, amazing, etc… So it got me to thinking about two things: 1) What if we were considered “beastly” in our interpersonal and professional relationships? 2) How might we pre-pave the way for others to talk about, and share our beastliness?

Assuming that we would want to be considered favorably by others, as successful and empathic people, one way to be perceived as beastly is to cultivate the relationships we share – all of them. While many believe that work is work, and personal time is personal, the lines today are definitely blurred. Your interchanges with Rafael, the bagger at the grocery checkout, and with your posts to your facebook pals, are equally as important as the conversation you have with your boss, your manager, your co-worker.

Why? Because in creating beastliness, you are the same. You do not change who you are. You are consistent across all roles, all personal branding lines, and all relationships – even the ones you may have viewed as competitive. While you engage with different personalities, you may need to adapt your communication to best fit with the person with whom you are engaging. I call this adaptation: filtering.

When we are with someone whom we perceive as sensitive, we need to filter and perhaps communicate in a gentle manner. Yesterday, while timing the swim meet, I heard one of the swim officials said to a shivering 89 pound-11-year old girl, who was getting out of the pool: “You’re disqualified.” Ouch. No sugarcoating there. While it is a coach’s job to tell his swimmer what she did to get DQ’ed, a sensitive official might have added an “I’m sorry.” (My former connotation of beast prevailed in this scenario.)

Being mindful and sensitive to the people with whom we interact is the first step in creating our way to beastliness. The stats are there: 93% of how we communicate is non-verbal. Only 7% accounts for the actual words that come out of our mouths; this contrast is too large to ignore, yet, many of us do. We need to sharpen our observational skills every day. Look at the person with whom you are speaking: Are her hands relaxed? Is his jaw tight? Does he occupy himself with something else while engaging with you? Does she look down? Up? All of these are excellent clues to a person’s state of being. If there is a bodily tightening anywhere, can you drop whatever was on your mind and become completely and mindfully, other-focused? Could you say: “Thanks, Rafael! I appreciate the way you organize the cold things together in the grocery bag.” “As a boss, I appreciate the heartfelt attention and time you give to each of your employees; that’s one of the ways in which you are a strong leader.”

Virtually, our behavior is the same. When one of your friends posts an article she wrote on facebook, take the time to acknowledge her by a repost that says: “One of the best sources for social media, by my colleague (and ‘Social Media Beast (!)’, Gretchen Miller.” On twitter, retweeting (RT) is akin to a verbal testimonial to someone’s beastliness. We RT their expertise – their exceptional work, their successes, their thoughtful commentary. The RT is the way we virtually acknowledge and validate someone else, including competitors. This seems counterintuitive, yet it is essential in creating mindful beastliness!

Star Wars’ Chewy, is not far off the mark: he is described as a loyal and strong warrior. When we bring our filters to acknowledge and validate everyone with whom we engage, we broaden our scope of interconnectivity. When we interconnect – either in person or virtually – we mindfully pave the way for others to follow suit. This cyclical pattern is the way in which we brand ourselves and develop into a beast – an empathic pro, a great leader, an amazing person, a loyal and strong warrior.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Goldilocks and the Three B’s: Birth, Backup, and Best Buy

2010-03-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

March 15, 2010

We all know to backup our computer, so that if/when the time comes when we are faced with a system crash, we are prepared. This was my experience this past week as I primed the Marketing Mindfulness newsletter. When I left for Chicago a week ago for an exciting visit with my daughters – (one of them had a baby!), my computer was functional, albeit slow. After emails, posts and tweets were sent from my phone, I set up to work on a more expansive screen to send you this newsletter; that’s when my laptop screen went dark. While I had already planned for the investment in a new computer, I hadn’t planned to purchase it while celebrating new birth in Chicago. And with the help of my wonderful son-in-law’s expertise, we set out to Best Buy, where Steve, the store manager, “gets it just right.”

Best Buy’s, Steve, is like the poster child for customer service, and the impetus for this week’s Marketing Mindfulness newsletter. Not having access to my computer for a week not only disrupted your receiving of a weekly newsletter, (and I humbly apologize), it also served to realign the way I observe human behavior from a consumer perspective. If we take a mindful look at Goldilocks and her experience with porridge and beds, we could use those same adjectives - too hot, too cold, just right; too hard, too soft, just right - to describe my customer service experience this week in Chicago.

The hospital where my daughter delivered was almost “too hot.” The nurses were very attentive - almost to a fault – and were surprised that my daughter did not need much help with her new baby daughter. The convenient - albeit unimpressive customer service restaurant where we ordered carryout across the street from the hospital was a different story; it was figuratively and literally “too cold” – they forgot a meal and we had to wind our way back through the hospital, security check, 1 ½ blocks to walk, etc, and by then the meal was cold.

The requisite must-have doll and accessories at the high end American Girl Doll store in downtown Chicago was a big disappointment - re: customer service. As we were the only customers in a particular section of the store, I stood idly for several minutes (yes, minutes) two feet away from two young sales women who were intent on finishing their conversation about Randi, another co-worker who they were criticizing, (and who had apparently stepped on their toes.) I finally said: “Excuse me, could you help me to locate a size in this outfit?” Not only did they finish their conversation in an exchange that went back and forth 3 times (!), one of them pointed and gestured with her index finger: “You can look over there.” I was mindfully unimpressed.

If you don’t know American girl doll, it is the Chanel and Prada of little girl dreams, and it was definitely a “too cold” Goldilocks moment.

Best Buy offers it just right. As #66 in the Fortune 100 companies, Best Buy’s website says this: “…we think technology should serve the people, and not the other way around. Technology makes a lot of promises and we’re here to make it live up to those promises. For people.”

And had my computer not fallen ill, I never would have had the opportunity to rave about Steve who gave us the “just right” Goldilocks message. When I asked him about customer service and working at Best buy, here is what he said: “Most people think that we deal in electronics at Best Buy. I sell customer service, not technology products. I help my customers as if they were family; then you know they will always be there to come back and invest in that trust.”

While Steve shared with us more of his family-based consumerism beliefs, he ended by offering this caveat around traditional sales models and marketing messages. He continued by saying that old patterns that revolve around the axiom of: “Product Product, Product,” don’t work anymore. Rather he smiled, “I am like: Solution. Solution. Solution.”

Let’s take a page out of Steve’s book and be, “Solution, solution, solution in our work/life experiences. Please let me know how it goes, and it is my hope that you get it just right. :)

Mindfully yours,

Poppy

What’s Right with You?

2010-02-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Marty Seligman signing his book with me at the 2009 IPPA World Congress

Last week of February, 2010

Facilitating in a weekly teen Careers class this week brought to light something I have been mulling over for a while: why is it often the case that we immediately remember the faults or flaws about ourselves, rather than instantly call up our strengths, instead? Even the most positive of us will fall prey to negative and self-critical thinking. What is this about?

When I joined the adolescent Career class again this week and asked the students to offer a quick review from the previous week, I half expected them not to remember. They surprised me.

Several of the students said: “We talked about what we are good at. We talked about our strengths. We sculpted objects as symbols to represent our best qualities.” These students get it. They get positive psychology.

Their comments got me thinking: maybe what current CEO’s, leading psychologists, and even neuroscientists are proposing – that creativity and strength recognition is essential and elevates productivity and success in the workplace – is continually evidenced in both my private art therapy practice and in my coaching business. Pulling back the curtain on the psychology behind this reveals the teachings of my personal “positivity mentor,” Marty Seligman, dubbed, the “Father of Positive Psychology.”

Marty claims that with our disease/ ‘what’s-wrong-with-us’ model, that has served as our foundation for over 60 years, we have really done ourselves an injustice. He believes that: “In our rush to do something about people in trouble; in our rush to do something about repairing damage, it never occurred to us to develop interventions to make people happier…positive interventions.”

In the teen classroom, the college classroom, art therapy studio, and with coaching clients, we use whatever intervention is best suited to uncover strengths, creative traits, and what Seligman calls, PWB – positive well-being. With the fusion of creative materials, play, one-on-one and group dialogue, writing, one’s willingness, and the psychological and mindful understanding of what is in the hearts, minds, and actions of people, we have all the ingredients for PWB.

And when we have PWB, we can do anything; get any job interview, market ourselves, land ideal employment, or launch our new business. Positivity and client strength identification is the cornerstone of my marketing and coaching business. When you feel good, you can do anything. Really.

I used an art intervention with the students I coached this week. They want to feel good. They want to be successful. They want to feel empowered, whether in the classroom or the workplace. And for me, the best takeaway of all, was that I witnessed that they loved – no, craved - learning what’s right with them.

Let’s be in a rush to look at what’s right with you, with me, with others. Let’s re-brand and market ourselves in strength and positivity. Let’s change the evolutionary pattern of modern psychology and “post modern-mindfully,” put a new face on it. Let’s use our creative interventions, whatever they may be (and we all have them!), to go get some PWB.

Mindfully yours,

poppy

How to Date Your Client: Soft Skills are Really Hard Core

2010-02-15T12:05:00.000-08:00

Week of Valentine’s 2010

In my coaching sessions this month, several of my clients have wondered a couple of things: How do I get in front of my prospect? What do I do in the way of a follow up? I say: “Date your client.”

It is only fitting following Valentine’s Day, that we talk about dating your client; which allows for similar behavioral patterns you might show when you date. Following mindfulness and intentions that you may have had when you first were interested in someone, you court your client by thinking of them non-stop. In the first few days/weeks of dating, you learn everything you POSSIBLY can about the person. Then you ACT on this newly acquired information. “Dating” your client is not really different; both require you to be hard core with your soft skills.

What exactly are some soft skills?

Social Grace: From last year’s Marketing Mindfulness article: Coming Face-to-Face with Social Grace, I offered that social graces include: “personal thoughts that occupy the minds of our friends, family, co-workers, and colleagues. To the mail room clerk: "How was your brother's wedding this past weekend?" To the receptionist in the large building: "I thought of you on my run this morning; how did you like the new running club you joined?" To her client because the waitstaff was busy: "May I clear these dishes away so they do not interfere with the presentation you have?" To a neighbor walking the dog: "How did your Father's surgery go yesterday?" Social grace is the pinnacle of client-courtship; you are other-oriented with a laser beam focus.

Many soft skills require us to be exceptional observers who implement multiple sensory skills to discern what is going on in our interpersonal engagements. Why did your date suddenly get quiet (or is unavailable) might be equivalent to why has the prospect or client not returned your calls? ‘Just not that into you, strikes fear in many! That same physiological fear is elicited when the prospect or client keeps putting you off and rescheduling your appointments. If you have mindfully and authentically been other-oriented – hyper-focused on the client or prospect’s needs, then it’s time either keenly scrutinize your behavior for clues you may have missed, or it’s time to move on.

What happens if you need to break up with a client? If you are stood up on a date, how do you feel? I imagine no differently than if your appointment was cancelled or was a no show by a prospect or client. Is it time to break up? Maybe. Seth Godin says it best: “Firing the customers you can't possibly please gives you the bandwidth and resources to coddle the ones that truly deserve your attention and repay you with referrals, applause and loyalty.”

Whether you are marketing for new clients or continuing to court them using the 80/20 rule, your soft skills are imperative. To keep the relationship alive and well, keep a vigilant focus on the client; your thoughts, feelings and actions all align to this end. You must have the mindfulness of dating your client, forever.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Are you branded?

2010-02-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Chicago and my former hometown, Milwaukee. Seeing friends and family and sharing in the celebration of my daughter’s upcoming Spring wedding, I was struck by how, in our rapid-speed culture, the time spent with loved ones was in a word: timeless. How can that be? We all change and evolve, reinvent, recycle, and re brand ourselves, so it seems counter intuitive that we could so easily morph into timelessness and authentically connect with one another.

Moving to a new city or job, people will often reinvent themselves, yet, the core values of who they are – their personal brand – is usually unchanged. We may change roles, job titles, and professions, yet, the essence of who we are is rock solid. Visiting with my family and friends this week, highlighted this for me: we stopped time. We picked up where we left off. There was no awkwardness. Hundreds of miles away, we had all grown, and somehow managed to bring our fast-evolving selves to a place where we were different but still very much the same. Our own unique personal branding was in tact - unchanged.

So does our personal brand – that essence of who we are, ever change? I don’t think so. And how does this affect our professional and marketing lives? On Doyle Slayton’s leadership blog, he shares the following:

“The words you choose. The way you behave. The conversations you have. The card you hand out. The promises you make. The people you hire. The values you hold dear. The values you could care less about. The vendors you choose. The money you make, or don’t make. And, of course, the experience people have with the product or service you provide.
Like it or not, it all matters, because it’s the culmination of all those little things that makes “the brand.” -John Furgurson

And this:

“I’m not talking about your business here, I’m talking about YOU. We broadcast our brand through our appearance, our voice, our body language, and through our behaviors — whether we are consistent, appropriate and professional, or erratic, unreliable and unconcerned.
You are a brand. You have to deliver an authentic experience and you have a promise of value …… don’t you?” -Tessa Hood

This week: I suggest that you get in front of those who know you best; ask them to give you best descriptors of you. This is a “brand check.” Learn how others see you - your brand. Then, mindfully do the same for yourself. Perhaps you will discover if your brand is the same-old-same-old, or if you are brand new.

Mindfully Yours,

Poppy

Creative Buzz

2010-02-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

Week of February 1, 2010

Yesterday, while helping to prepare for this week’s 4th annual Sarasota International Design Summit, hosted by Ringling College of Art and Design, the buzz in the room of volunteers was palpable. The play list of speakers is sure to galvanize any non-creative, as the infusion of creativity into the marketplace is certain to wow the crowd on Thursday and Friday. Of special note, is Sir Ken Robinson, who is a delightful and shrewd observer of the social sciences. His dedication to insisting that creativity belongs in our business and educational institutions is both relentless and powerful. His message is a good one.

Sir Ken Robinson is a consultant for the development of creativity, innovation and human resources. He works with governments in Europe, the UK, Asia and the U.S., Fortune 500 companies and worldwide cultural organizations. He is currently Professor Emeritus at the University of Warwick in the UK, and travels around the world speaking about the creative challenges facing business and education. This week, at Ringling College where I teach, Sir Ken is a featured speaker. The Summit theme is: The Art of Designing Business Solutions.

What have I learned from Sir Ken? In his book, “Out of Our Minds,” (which he was so gracious to sign for me last year), Sir Ken speaks to “Looking for Creative Ability.” He maintains that there are really no assessments for institutions and business that will determine a person’s creativity – that creativity is essential in any successful organization. So how do we figure out if our creativities align with the organizational landscape in which we find ourselves?

1) Brainstorming. In previous Marketing Mindfulness articles, I have addressed the importance of allowing free associations and ideas to spring forward (Charles Warren of Google does this with his team) without any censoring, critiquing, or questions. Allow a fluid train of thought and creativity to spew forth, geyser-like, without interruption. No blocking. No quelling. No stop gaps.

2) “Domain Specific Creativity.” Sir Ken speaks to both the medium and the environment in which the creativity is allowed to come into play. What is the setting that will most enhance one’s creativity to emerge? In his book, “Out of Our Minds,” Sir Ken offers this: “Some forms of creativity require skills that are specific to particular domains: to music, to mathematics, to poetry, to dance, to design, to engineering…” Being a keen observer of our work/life will enable us to utilize our best practices for eliciting our own creative flow.

What if we are a solo-professional without a team with whom to brainstorm; how do we infuse creativity into our work/life? It is possible to be a team of one who mindfully self-brainstorms in order to rev up our creative engines. I do this by painting with color and form; I literally PLAY with watercolors on my canvas. I know some who get creative when they clean and bring order to their external environment. Some elicit creative flow when they make lists, prioritize systems, or read thought provoking articles or blogs.

And very often I find that when we engage with another in our personal or professional lives, and specifically focus our attention on them, we generate a lively atmosphere of creativity. Identifying our strengths and creative traits is essential in our personal and professional success. We do this by asking ourselves questions; if we can do this with someone else – interview style – even better.

At Coach Poppy, getting to the heart of “domain specific ability” and what makes you most alive with creativity, is the cornerstone of my business. We all have an abundance of “creative ability;” we only need to access it. What can you do today, to get creative buzz?

Mindfully yours,
Poppy

3 Minutes to Enlightenment at the Red Light

2010-01-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

Twice a year, I like to review past Marketing Mindfulness Moment articles and pull from the archives one that most resonates with me at the time. Out of all the weekly articles from last year, enlightenment jumped out at me and gave me pause. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you for revisiting this article with me.

The Cushion. The Beach. The Red Light. Any of these will do for us to practice mindfulness. It is a curious thing how we are often so uncomfortable with being still and waiting. This past week I had several opportunities – (yes, opportunities) to be with my thoughts as I waited. And waited. And waited. So what is it about waiting and being still or silent, that gets us squirming?

Not only are some uncomfortable with their OWN attending to quiet, they want to stop others from practicing mindfulness in public. I remember a story that had national prominence about ten years ago where a father and his young children were praying for their terminally ill wife and mother in a public park. The park was nearby to the hospital where they had just visited the dying woman. The police were called by people who objected to the quiet prayer in a public venue. “They were sitting there praying in public!” was the outcry.

I had eight opportunities this week to practice mindfulness in a public place: the radiology waiting room, the not-so Express Line at the Grocery Store, my car as I idled behind the waste management vehicle who used the center of the road to efficiently collect waste receptacles on both sides of the street, and with three of my Alzheimer clients in my individual art therapy sessions with them.

To be real here, I am disclosing that in the Grocery Line, I was completely intolerant. I did NOT recognize the mindful moment nor appreciate with compassion and understanding the woman in front of me who left the line for a new retrieval, came back, and who spent over 7 minutes in the express line insisting on not one, not two, but three employees to verify her coupon. I eventually moved lanes (Hey! I was mindfully aware that I was uncomfortable, restless, and impatient) and was out the door while the four of them still argued, deliberated, and engaged with one another.

OK, so 7 out of 8 of these experiences were enlightened gifts to have me “power down” and provide me the opening to be present and aware.

Sometimes, that complete powering down of external stimuli makes us feel exposed and vulnerable. Yet it is exactly this art of vulnerability that serves to simplify our lives and empower us even more. This dichotomy is explained by Michael Carroll who suggests that we stop each day and “get to the cushion.” Just sit still. That’s all. Had I “taken to the cushion” that morning before the grocery express lane (an oxymoron in itself), I believe I would have been much more compassionate and had a more fulfilling outcome. And reviewing my awareness of my responses in the Express Lane, is perhaps a way to bring enlightenment after the fact.

When we seek the talent of simplicity, we can move beyond what in 1989, R.S. Wurman called: “information anxiety.” This phenomenon is what we experience when we have what adolescent pop culture deems as TMI – too much information; like having a High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) diet with little to nothing else. We even have a disorder for TMI called ADT: “attention deficit trait,” which has a starring role on our daily stages.

ADT reveals impatience, having a sense of “inner frenzy” and distraction; ADT is different from ADD, in that it is neurologically based and is a result of the RSS feeds that barrage us on a daily basis. (The irony here is the word, ‘simple’ in RSS, which means “Really Simple Syndication.”)

Getting to the cushion then, is where we find mindfulness and master the art of simplicity. When we get to the cushion, we stop our mind from being occupied. And that is difficult for most of us, as we are so accustomed to being busy and doing something. When we put off sitting still, we put off simplifying our lives.

The beach is a natural “cushion” for being still, yet what if the cushion is your driver seat at a red light? So be it. On the Gulf Coast of Florida where I live, we have 3 ½ minute traffic lights! While I am not suggesting that you close your eyes while idling at the red light, I am proposing that you attend to your awareness of your breath and thoughts in that present moment while at the red light. What do you notice? What do you see, hear, smell? What physiological sense do you have; what’s going on in your body?

In looking to the Tibetan Buddhist monks for answers as to why we are often restless, bored, and intolerant of being still, we dismiss their meditation practices with solid rationale: monks don’t have to drive in rush hour traffic; they live simpler lives than us. They don’t have to have to shop for a business suit for an important interview; in fact, their “job’ never included an interview in the first place. Yet maybe the very first time that they sat and meditated, they had random thoughts which darted through their now cultivated Zen-enlightened minds.

Ideally, we would meditate for 15 – 30 minutes a day. Try the grocery store line, rush hour traffic, (another article in itself), and notice what happens to your breath, your bodily muscles, and your mind. And then, let me know what happens when you next arrive on the cushion or the red light.

Mindfully yours,
Poppy

8 First Responder Skills and Best Practices Apps to a Healthy Work/Life

2010-01-17T11:59:00.000-08:00

Week of January 17, 2010

There isn’t a doubt in my mind that it was a strong dose of positive faith and hopefulness that allowed my hometown friends, Jim and Andrea’s son, Tom, and his 5 peers and two Lynn University faculty members to survive the devastation in Haiti last week. Jim and Andrea’s email to her friends and family had a subject title that must have been the most important 3 words they have ever said:

“Tom is Back.”

Your heart feels squeezed, does it not, when you witness the news on Haiti? Mine does. In watching the students on a CBS interview, I recognized Tom, whom I hadn’t seen since we left Milwaukee over 6 years ago. The CBS interviewer asked Tom, the 2nd year Lynn University college student: “Is there anything you’d like to say to the people of Haiti?”

Tom replied: “Prayer. Prayer is the biggest thing that kept us going. Glass half full. The Haitian people and everyone else did their best to help us. Now it is our turn to help them back.”

During another account, I trembled as I heard a father’s plea to help look for Tom’s fellow student, Brittany. The father said that Tom was great; he had helped to keep the students safe. Here is an excerpt from Andrea’s email:

“Tom's fire fighter/first responder training kicked in as soon as the quake
struck. He was fortunately outside (writing in his journal which is not
like him); one of the girls was going to run back into the hotel and he
grabbed her, threw her to the ground and laid on top of her as the hotel
crumbled ‘like a sandcastle’ as Tom said.”

“There was utter chaos around them and they saw things that none of us would want to see. They were amazing in a situation that is inconceivable to us. Thank you all and if I've forgotten anyone please forgive me. We are still in a little shock. We are so grateful for all the prayers and love that came from all of you and people we don't even know.”

Along with keeping the multitudes of people in your hearts, mind, and prayers, I had three significant takeaways here as it relates to all of our relationships. One is: hopefulness/prayer; the second is: inherent skills; and the third is: gratefulness.

Tom’s first word to the interviewer is “prayer.” When we have a strong desire, we pray. Hopefulness is prayer’s first cousin. As a species we are wired to have innate survival skills. Tom’s training first responder training skills aligned beautifully with his natural instincts to survive. And Andrea’s and Jim’s letter with the harrowing account was wrapped up in a pouring out of gratefulness.

What if we followed this model of behavior with our friends, clients, and prospects? Can you imagine the positive results we might experience?

I maintain that we already have those inherent “first responder-like” skills when it comes to our work life relationships. We just need to have the heightened awareness of what is going on around us in order to tap into our own unique, existing, interpersonal skill set.

Here are some “best practices apps” we could learn from Tom, his family, and his peers:

1) Being “other-oriented.” Tom is already outwardly focused; he is Haiti with college peers and professors on a mission trip.

2) Mindfulness. Tom is outside his hotel journaling.

3) Awareness. The quake begins and his senses kick in; not only save himself, but others too.

4) Sharpened problem-solving skills. Tom saves his classmate who is about to run into the soon-to-become “sand castle.”

5) Trust. (Know, Like, and Trust) He is immediately trusted because he has trained skills and the quick confidence to implement them.

6) True Leadership has no Ego. (Last week’s newsletter) Tom does not seek the spotlight (he is in the back row and is the last to speak), nor make any statements about himself on national TV. Everyone else commends him.

7) Pay it Forward. Tom says he has been helped and now it’s our turn to help in kind. Reciprocate. Give back. Just plain give.

8) Be grateful. Acknowledge those that have helped even if you do not know exactly what they did. We can all stand to offer more appreciation and gratefulness to every one of our relationships. How many times can “thank you,” cross your lips this week?

Mindfully Yours,
poppy

Go Ridiculous in 17 Minutes

2010-01-13T11:55:00.000-08:00

Week of January 10, 2010

In my Monday morning Ringling College of Art and Design Psych class this week, new second semester students introduced themselves by creating one of their strengths they chose to showcase to the class. One of the students sculpted a small pillow out of clay. His message? He said he was proficient at "sleep management." While at first we were all amused by his sculpture, it got me to thinking that he may have been onto something: the creation of a work title that even 6 months ago, (and perhaps even today), we would have found ridiculous.

I posed to the students: "You mean, one of you could say: 'Hi, I have an Ivy League Master's degree in Sleep Management?" Ridiculous? Maybe not.

Although I live in a city that seems to have sleep disorder clinics on as many corners as there are Walgreen's, I wanted to open my mind wide enough to poke around and play with ideas of work lives that we know do not currently exist.

What if we could create our own job and job title; what might it be? At a recent Ringling College of Art and Design sponsored International Design Summit, Google's, Charles Warren, shared that at their brainstorming meetings, no one is allowed to comment on another's idea until all questions and suggestions are out on the table.

This allowing of free association does a huge number on our psyches and brains. The neurotransmitters in our brain fire up; if we had brain imaging at our fingertips, we could see the light up process. I am suggesting that we take the time to allow our brains to light up.
This Csikszentmihalyi ("Chick-sent-me-high") -Flow-like model is beautiful; it encourages a high-energy stream of thoughts and possibilities. It is the model that empowers greatness in all of us. This is our work for the New Year, and I ask you to mindfully take 17 minutes to complete it by the end of this week.

You have a two-part assignment. In the first part, I am asking you to be open, even though you may be uncomfortable. Trust that it will work.

Part I: Go to a mirror and for 17 seconds, look into it and say - out loud- something positive to yourself, such as: "I am successful. I have many strengths. I am a good listener. I am brave. I trust in myself. I trust in others. I am compassionate. I am a positive-thinking person. I am independently wealthy. I am a leader. I am a good role model. I am responsible. I am accountable. I have excellent follow through. I am considerate of others. I have good time management. I always consider another's perspective. I am open. I believe and accept that change is good. I am a good person. I am a life long learner. I strive for excellence in myself. I love me. I have a purpose. I am a contributor. I am living life fully. I am thriving.

For 17 seconds, if you have this steady stream of positive words, watch in the mirror for a physiological change. Maybe your face will flush; something sensory in your physical body will reveal a change. As my colleague, Gloria says: "the power of words" cannot be understated.
Part II: Please get materials to make a list. (A large sheet if you are in a group, a tablet of paper, your computer; whatever is best suited for you.) If you are comfortable working with others, partner with someone who is also open to the power of possibilities. You know who the energy-killjoys are; stay clear. Instead, find someone who is uplifting -a glass-half-full-person.

For a minimum of 17 minutes, in a stream of consciousness and free association, write down every idea that comes to you, regarding your ideal work/life. What does your most purposeful work/life look like? Describe it. Envision it. Multi-sense it. Feel it. Even go ridiculous.

I invite you to engage in this particular creative process where there are no judgments, no limitations, no interruptions, no what-abouts, no buts, and most importantly, no questions, for at least 17 minutes. Exhaust yourself with (perhaps, ridiculous) possibilities where there are only "Ands..." and "What mores...?"

I attended a Dan Pink seminar this week, where the DRIVE author pulled the screen back on human motivation and the linkage with autonomy. In his newly released book, DRIVE: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, and this month's Coach Poppy recommended reading, Dan offered these compelling words to us in the audience: "The 3rd drive is the pathway to do great things: changes are great, [people] have great breakthroughs, and great inventions in the world."

Go the mirror, then the drawing table. Be great. The doing great will always follow.

Mindfully yours,

poppy

Feeling stuck? Coach Poppy offers a 20 minute F.R.E.E. coaching consultation to those who want to reclaim their work/life purpose. Click here...

Windy City Musings and literally "Walking the Talk"

2009-11-08T04:46:00.000-08:00

There is something electric about this city. Growing up in Milwaukee and sharing Lake Michigan, Chicago is, as Frank crooned, my kind of town. The first "real" hotel I stayed at when I was 5 years old, was The Drake: iconic, classic, and replete with legacy. The Drake starts the Magnificent Mile, a parade of store favorites both horizontally and vertically on Michigan Avenue. And people watching doesn't get any better in the Midwest.

Two days ago and yesterday, the weather set the city mood: the 60 and 70 degree temps in November were a call to get the last vestiges of warm air while the getting was good. Hibernation was stalled and people were in great spirits. People dined outside and many got the impetus to jump start their holiday shopping.

When my two daughters and I arrived, it was literally SRO in the infamous shoe department at Nordstrom's. And although there were easily over 100 people in the department for their semi-annual big sale, the energy level was high and infused with a genuine kind spirit.

I found that remarkable.

No grabbing. No bickering. No sighs. No babies crying. No "I-had-that-last-remaining-boot first." No Impatience. No negative emotion...anywhere. Smiles abounded. Wow. Everyone (sales representatives and customers) was on their best behavior.

I mused about the source of that: was it the Nordy employees that set the tenor of the department or was it the consumer eager to get a deal? The short answer is both.

I believe that the legacy of Nordstrom customer service is so well known, it rivals the fables of Grimm. People have recounted the story of the customer who was able to return (and get a refund) for tire chains to Nordstrom; Nordstrom doesn't sell tire chains. And just as Volvo cars are branded and are known for safety, Nordstrom's has the front runner on customer service as their distinguishing brand.

So perhaps the atmosphere in the department was created before the store even opened for the day? As customers, we bring a set of psychological expectations - conscious or unconscious - to the proverbial table, and those combined with the exceptional customer focus from Nordy employees, makes for a great experience.

Everyone brought their game to the Nordstrom shoe department. There were plenty employees and four different ones asked if we needed help. Heather, a very personable employee, remembered my daughter from this past summer.

Why don't we decide - consciously or unconsciously -to have this wonderful mindful experience with all of our work/life relations? Grab a pair of Nordy shoes and literally walk the talk:)

Asking Price for Your Teen Identity OBO: Thursday Night Ritual, PART l

2009-10-17T04:15:00.000-07:00

About 10 years ago, when the Thursday night TV fare of Dawson's Creek finished at 9 pm CST, I knew my teen daughters would begin to finalize plans for Friday night. There were phone calls up until 10 - 10:29 pm, and although they had cell phones, they did not use them as a life appendage the way the phone is used today. Friday afternoon came around, and after their respective high school sports' practices were over, they would change both clothing (the girls have their entire wardrobe strewn across bed and floor) and plans. Both, again and again. And then some more.

Fast forward 10 years with my 2 current teens, and my husband - (it is a challenge for this engineering mind who eats, sleeps, and breathes logic and rational planning) - and I witness the same Thursday night phenomenon, only in hyper speed.

There are dozens of texts, IM's, fb posts, and tweets which serve to change his and her plans between 9 and 11 times (I’m sure my husband has calibrated) in the course of homework and either Grey's Anatomy or the newly exciting Flash Forward. I feel as though I live in a used car lot where there are hundreds of cars with the same sticker on the windshield: "X $$$ OBO."

When I was 15 and 16, did I do that? Did I too, have this restlessness and lack of commitment to stick to a plan? Was it that I wanted to be with certain people, or had I wanted to go to or do specific events? Was I waiting for the best offer? The Thursday night plans seemed good enough to me, so why the need to alter the adolescent social game plan?

Calling on Erik Erikson's psychology and his eight stages of psychosocial development, he would say that these teens are exploring (Stage 5: Identity vs. Role Confusion”) - their identity - one moment at a time. Erikson contends that this is where adolescents figure out: "Who am I?" This particular Eriksonian stage was explored in my graduate thesis, and I discovered that the trying on of roles, was a necessary component for healthy adolescent interpersonal relations. The part we need to know as parents is that there has to be the confusion and chaos in the “search-for-my-identity” mix - that is how they learn to individuate and have successful relationships.

I did learn from my oldest daughters that my trying to get involved in any way, shape, or form to micromanage these plans is a deal breaker. Today, on Thursday nights, I smile and mindfully watch my son and daughter go through the Thursday night ritual, and with the flooding of texts and IMs, I wonder: is the electromagnetic field in my home elevated between the hours of 9 and 11 pm?

Having 4 children who are all very different is wonderful. Yet, in this Thursday night planning thing…they are all EXACTLY the same. Their behavior is automated. In this, my husband can be happy: it is a science that he can count on double digit plan-changing and be content that, without fail, our children’s plans will evolve through a series of best offers again and again, right up to the minute before the teens gather or the movie begins – and perhaps, not even then.

As an adult sitting in the movie theater, you know what I am talking about. Do you notice the flurry of jack-in-the-box teens who weave in and out of seats in an almost choreographed fashion? If you weren’t sitting, you’d be prone to dizziness, right? And forget climbing over you, around you, bumping backs of chairs, talking, texting throughout the movie…if you see a movie on Friday night – especially a movie that is PG13, well… that’s just poor judgment on your part. (You didn’t really think you’d be able to watch a weekend movie uninterrupted, did you?) If you want to see a PG movie on Friday night, that might be a little better. (My recommendation is to see a movie on Thursday night, especially if you feel yourself getting anxious or if you feel you need to know the plan before Friday night.)

Letting go of being attached to your adolescent's Friday night outcomes is essential for parental sanity. Rather, think about your teen's absolute need to explore the self and his/her identity within the adolescent social construct. Consider that it is like Friday night homework. When they have the opportunity to try on and mold their identities through decision making, creative planning, problem solving, and yes, drama, they will be that much further prepared and informed for healthy relationships. Waiting for OBO is a part of the identity game.

You do not Have to be a Pretzel to Practice Mindfulness

2009-09-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes yoga gets a bad wrap. Because of its often hour to two hour time consumption and somewhat complex poses, many people are somewhat intimidated by yoga. I used to be one of them.

Several years ago, one of my colleagues suggested I take Pantajali's yoga. After taking me 4 class sessions to even pronounce the name ("Pa - tohn - ja - lees"), I discovered it was really a no brainer. Literally a no brainer.

I did NOT have to curl up into a contorted pretzel, do a downward dog, or Kapotasna - the King Pigeon Pose. In fact, I just sat in a chair and simply brought my awareness to my breath.

Pantajali's yoga calls us to follow the eight "limbs" or steps, often seen in Ashatanga Yoga, where the breath and the eight poses are synchronized. Pantalali's yoga focuses completely on the breath because I imagine, if you do not have the breath, the eight poses will not be effective.

The breath is huge. While it is so simple, why do some of us have trouble with adherence to breath awareness?

I maintain that if we can do the breath work even 8 minutes a day, our awareness in this mere gesture will create synchronicity throughout our day. Our interpersonal relationships will be far more meaningful and purposeful, and we will experience daily reward.

You do not have to pack up the yoga mat and head to the gym; you can find a quiet spot right in your home or yard.

Starting today for 15 days, until October 1st, join me in trying the 8 minute breath awareness. We'll check back on the 1st of October to chronicle the changes and new insights that might have revealed themselves.

If you notice that you have resistance in any areas simply, and without judgment, bring your awareness back to your breath. Here's what you do:

1) Sit in a chair with a supportive back. Make sure your feet are completely flat on the floor.
2) Sitting with erect posture, lay your unfolded arms and hands gently on your lap or the arms of the chair. (Underside of the arms may be turned upward if you wish.)
3) Begin with three inhale/exhales and let out resistance and distraction. We are going to distract ourselves with nothingness :)
4) With continuous breathing in through the nose AND OUT through the nose, begin to imagine your breath at the top or crown of your head. Picture your breath going smoothly and freely through the top of your head.
5) After 1 minute, imagine your breath at your eye level and with the continuous nose only breathing, picture the breath fluidly moving across through the eye region.
6) After a minute, guide your breath to the mouth area, and follow the same process.
7) After a minute go to the neck or throat area.
8) Allow you breath, after 1 minute, to travel to the heart area.
9) After 1 minute, allow your breath to rest in the Solar Plexus
10) 1 minute later, the abdominal area
11) Lastly, allow your breath awareness to go to the genitals and anus.

8 Minutes to a seamless and interconnected day; let’s try it.

People's People and Pockets

2009-08-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

In my art therapy session this afternoon with Millie,* I would almost go so far as to say that it was enlightening. OK, it was enlightening.

When I got there, Millie was to recline, rather than sit at the table with me. As is usually the case with most art therapists, we are usually adept at adaptation. So I pulled up a chair and we reviewed her portfolio, with me hovering the watercolor book within easy range of her vision.

We both "oohed and aahed" over her work over the past few months; she a shrewd observer for many things, but especially line and color. I shared with her some of the topics I introduced this week in my two different psychology classes at Ringling College of Art and Design. I mentioned that I am a Certified Coach and explained that as a coach, I work alongside with, and encourage people who are committed to pursue meaningful careers.

Millie rarely speaks much, yet today her words spoke volumes, not just in content and quantity, yet in the profoundness of her message. Here is what she shared when I asked her advice on careers:

As far as a career path, she says that you should, “put yourself in a place where you would learn, pick up, and go and do.” I began to ask her to expand a little and she said: “Well, prepare yourself when you're ready; and the next thing I was going to say is that you have to sit down and work on it and use whatever you learn. Study, practice, do it.”

“You have to make sure that what it is you want to do, is right.”

And then I asked her how it is that we decide what's right. “How do we get there?” And she said, “With the people.”

“You have to give first to the person who is willing to help you. They've got to make the way and then the friends will help them along the way.” Millie smiled. I told her she was so smart. She smiled more and said, pointing to her head: “It’s there. I'm not sure who put it up there, but I'd like to make use of it.”

I said, “So you help one another?” And she nodded, “Yes, it's a gift. It's a give and take. Yet, you can't dump on people. You cannot take on their responsibilities because it won't work out. You have to be your own person and do it the way it should be done. And you can't be dumping on anybody. You have to decide your own mind, what you should do.”

Millie continued, and I got goose bumps: “You don't do what you really don't want to do,” she said, “because otherwise, it's rotten.”

Wow. “You don't do what you really don't want to do.” I had to repeat it aloud.

She continued: “Get yourselves in order. Put things right. Keep at it, and be grateful. This is what you need to do. You have to be in a position to do something that's wonderful. Whenever they have chosen, you become people's people.”

“People’s people?” I asked? “How do you become people's people?”

Millie in earnest now: “People who enjoy other people and put them in their pocket.”

“Their pocket?”

“Yes, their pocket. And it's up here,” and she reached her hand and lightly touched the left side of the soft curls on her head.

Millie continued, “You have to keep at it. You have to work through it the way they are and what they are. And they have to get themselves and do it in their own way. And absolutely, do not turn them away from the way that they choose. They have to choose it, live it, make it good. Don't try to change them. And they need to accept it and other people too, and make themselves the better for it. And be grateful.”

I am grateful for Millie, who teaches me profound messages each week.

Which people's people can we put in our pocket?

*Millie (not her real name) is a 91 year old lady who is labeled in our medical society as someone with advancing Alzheimer’s. I label her lovely and will definitely keep her in my pocket.

"Teacher's Pet"

2009-08-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

Last week when our Shih Tzu, Nicky, had her surgery and came home with uncomfortable stitches which seemed to motivate her to skitter from cushion to cushion, we all adapted to her lead and intuited what she needed. A week later, we are celebrating her 8th birthday, by our Sunday morning ritual at the waterfront park near our home.

With my daughter Molly's, freshly baked Peanut Butter star-shaped cookies in hand for the canines, and Chocolate Chip Cookies for the pet owners, we headed to the marina for the first time in 10 days, post-surgery. The usual gang was there: Ziggy, the Shih Tzu Casanova of the group, Lexa, an Energizer bunny Maltese who romps with her beau Ziggy, Trevor, an Airedale statesman, Georgia, a perfectly coiffed Southern belle Poodle, and Taco, who of course is a Chihuahua. These regulars were accompanied by 12 other dogs who ran, tumbled, and rolled with one another; what a birthday party we had!

The remarkable thing about the gathering was not the presence of 17 dogs. Rather, when Nicky arrived, their normal greeting of flying over to say hello and sniff her posterior didn't happen. Seven dogs very gently descended on her, and immediately scoped out her surgical area. No one sniffed their usual under-the-tail greeting spot. No one jumped. No one bounced. They cautiously approached her. How did they know?

Did they remember the scent of anesthetic from being spayed? The instantaneous knowing that occurred made my jaw drop. So I got to thinking: if dogs can know in an instant what is up with one another, and immediately adapt and apply their empathic responses, couldn't we take a page out of their book?

Can we learn to cultivate that knowing so that we can sniff out the needs of our friends, colleagues, and clients? Do you think that empathic knowing keeps us genuine and real?